Spent

Once again, I have no idea what to write about tonight. Im not feeling like myself right now. I have been sick with the worst cold on the planet for almost 2 weeks now. It started about 2 days before leaving for Tampa, Florida, for Camp Widow. Being at camp and sharing a room with 3 other people and giving my comedic presentation and talking, talking, talking all week long, only made things worse. Now, Im back home, and I cant get through a sentence without coughing like a maniac. Im also absolutely exhausted. Camp was incredible, like it always is. But being sick while there kind of sucks. My energy was zapped and I felt like I was faking it all week long. I wanted so badly to hang out with people and go in the pool and the hot-tub and have drinks and stay up late with everyone else, but I was so tired and just not feeling good at all, that I opted out of most of those things. It took every ounce of energy in me to give my presentation, and as a comedian, Im a perfectionist, so I wasnt exactly happy with my results. Everyone will say they didnt notice or that it was still great, but I just felt "off."

Despite all of that, being at Camp Widow is still such an incredibly healing and beautiful experience. I met so many new people, and ran into so many others who read this blog and told me so, or who follow me on Facebook or read my personal blog. It is so awesome to hug those people and get to know them in person. It is so great to see old friends that I have met at previous camps, and have my annual reunion with them in person. It is so nice to have lunch with someone I admire so much, like Tom Zuba, and connect in a new way as friends. It is so nice to be in a place in my own process , where I can maybe help others that feel lost or alone, and show them the places within the tunnel that don't look so dark. It is such an honor to make people laugh through their pain with my comedy presentation, and to witness first-hand the changes in people - people that you saw just a year ago, who looked scared or lost or hopeless - and now they smile and feel joy and have found life again.

I am really, really tired - it's going to take me awhile to get back into things properly after this one. i had to go back to work the very next day, and i havent had much of a break since getting off that plane. Tomorrow is my first day off, and I can finally just start the process of unwinding emotionally. Its going to take awhile, but it was so worth it. There was dancing, there was laughter, there was healing.

I need a nap.