Saturday, May 30, 2009
Checking the mail. A routine that we all have, some everyday, others a couple of times a week. Today was one of the moments that interrupted a action I did for societies sake.
I opened my box to find a package. As soon as I saw who the sender was I knew from our wedding.I did not know there was video until after Michael was killed, for what reasons I cannot say. When I heard there was film I did not think I would actually ever get a hard copy simply for the reason that it took 2 years for me to know it was even real. I did not know what the pieces of cardboard held inside of it, nor did I know how I would react.
I put it in.
What I saw were things I knew of, words I knew were exchanged, people I knew attended. What I got from it was more then that though. I got to feel the way I felt standing across from Michael that day, the rocking back and forth from excitement, the tears of happiness that had no off button. For 26 minutes I had pure love, on film.
I have it with me in my heart, as I know all of us do, but to watch it, to see the gleam in my eye, the nod of my head as Michael made sure I was ok, the kiss on my forehead from my soulmate....that is bliss, that is life, that is why I am still here. I am here for those moments, even if they are relived 2 years later with my husband by my side in spirit.
Do I still hope to have some freak accident occur that would lead me to Michael?......Yes. But am I happy to be able to know and be a living example of the purest love I've ever known?.....Hell to the yeah!
So here's to those memories, the best ones, the ones that are sometimes to painful to watch because of all the happiness present that we can't share with them now. May they be our personal sanctuary when all else is a hurricane.
Have you ever been at sea in a dense fog, when it seemed as if a tangible white darkness shut you in and the great ship, tense and anxious, groped her way toward the shore with plummet and sounding-line, and you waited with beating heart for something to happen? I was like that ship before my education began, only I was without compass or sounding line, and no way of knowing how near the harbor was. "Light! Give me light!" was the wordless cry of my soul, and the light of love shone on me in that very hour.