Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Fire

The other night I was excited to be watching a new episode of "Grey's Anatomy". As odd as it sounds, I always know something in the show will make me tear up, whether I can relate to it or not. It's almost like watching "Extreme Home Makeovers"....I always end up crying at the reveal.

Well this episode of "Grey's" was no exception, and I sat on my couch in my quiet living room with a few tears streaming down my face. It was not a water works show at Sea world, but enough to make me wipe my cheek.

At that moment I thought of the beginning of my journey without Michael. I remember screaming out loud, pounding my fists on the counters and just sobbing uncontrollably. It was the polar opposite of how I was this evening, with the silence as my companion and the warm droplets making their exits from my eyes.

It was through comparing these two moments that I realized how grief is so much like fire;
in the beginning our grief was an intense flickering blaze, but now, even though the flames have gone down, we still may get burnt by the embers.

I know this is a far distance from McSteamy, but I find solace in the smallest of my own self realization, for even when it may not always seem the brightest or happiest, it let's me know I am viewing the growth that underlines it all.

1 comment:

  1. I like your analogy of grief being like fire. I'm going to use that one, when trying to describe it to my family, who loves me dearly but doesn't quite understand my new reality. And it's nice to know that someone else watches Grey's for the same reason as I do, now. Six weeks ago it was just entertainment viewing for my husband and I. Thank you for your post.