We write about widowhood as we live it. Together we examine the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of life as a widowed person. The views expressed here are those held by each individual author. We take no credit for their brillance; we just provide them with a forum for expressing their widowed journey in words that are uniquely their own.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
no tears
while friend johnny utah
was out for a run (obviously he is crazy),
maddie and I started walking toward
the playground.
saw a mom, a dad.
each one holding an arm
counting to three
swinging their daughter,
daughter laughing
hysterically.
how does a single father
bring that kind
of joy?
i could try it with
one arm, but
that would look terrible
to passers by, and
would likely leave madeline
with only one working arm.
(decided against that, too. i’m really using good judgement today).
made a phone call to someone
’cause i was missing
liz
and was more than
a little sad
watching all these moms and dads
hanging out with their kids.
decided that i really needed
to go to a place
where there are no
families. no kids.
discussed an escape
plan with johnny utah…
called rhonda to take her up
on her offer to
watch madeline for the afternoon.
wow.
a great idea.
no families.
no kids.
but lots of memories.
in early 2006
we were there with a
big group of folks
to say goodbye to me
as i left my everything
behind to head to
the india for 6 months.
liz
organized the party,
ordering pitchers of “death margaritas”
for everyone.
great memories of this
place.
hard to walk in there
though without
liz.
with johnny utah by my side
we went in
walking past the place
where
liz
and i had so much fun,
made it home around 11:00,
kissed madeline twice
and went to sleep.
too many thoughts of
liz.
realized that today
was the first day
i didn’t cry.
(and i feel really, really sad about that).
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