Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Tears Still Come ....

..... even when someone new enters your life.
There is no cure for grief.
No answer.
No person.
No miracle.
It must be traveled through.

I discovered that this week.
I am definitely having more good days than bad days.
But the bad days still come.
I think they will always come .... though they will be fewer and farther in between.

I am happier than I have been in a long time.
But the waves still hit.
The sadness still encroaches.
And that is frustrating.
Beyond belief.

I want to leave the tears behind.
I want to move forward and count my blessings.
I want to live in the now and focus on the good.
But the grief is like a living thing that grabs hold of me and drags me backwards.

It seems to grab me when I least expect it.
When I start to think that all is well and that I am doing well ...... it crawls out of nowhere and slams into me.
But .... here's the thing: after it slams into me and knocks the breath out of me ..... I somehow manage to get back up. Sometimes I get up quickly, other times it takes me a few days.
But at least I get up.
Even when I don't really want to.

So that's something.
Something good.
And we all need to hang on to something good.
Don't we?


  1. You really hit the nail on the head. We definitely need to hang onto something good; otherwise what is there to live for? The grief from a situation like this is devastating, and all that a woman can do is brush herself off and try, try again. To progress is to heal.

    However, a lot of times society labels the widow as, just that, a widow, and not much else. This then turns into how that woman defines herself, and then comes the debilitating cycle of grief and despair. What is a woman other than her identity, both to herself and those around her?

    I've been researching this all day, and I found an article written by a woman named Carol Lin, a CNN anchor who lost her husband to cancer just a few years ago. She had some great things to say about what you're discussing, and here's an excerpt that I thought you might like:

    "I ripped the envelope open and was absent-mindedly reviewing the papers when I noticed how the county office listed my name: Carol Lin Robinson, a single, unmarried woman. Widowed... The words cascaded off the page: Single. Unmarried. Woman. Widowed... Professionally, I was still a CNN anchor. Privately, though, I was now just a woman to be pitied. It was a crushing blow."

    Often times, I feel like widowed women put so much emphasis on specific ways to move on, when in reality its not so much the method itself, but the mere fact that the attempt is there that provides the progression through the grief, and, God willing, the eventual reinstillment of normality in the woman's life, however they might define it. Great thoughts Janine, you really provide a great perspective on this issue that captivates, with good reason, so many people's lives.

    Oh, and if you want to read the rest of that article (I think she's actually got a couple of them on that site), here's the link:

  2. Thanks again for your honest thoughts. Praying for you.

  3. Yes, the hanging on is important for getting us beyond the overwhelming moments.