Saturday, August 27, 2011


The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, and I'm kind of getting acclimated on the occasions where they happen...and in a way enjoying the mayhem it brings.

Last weekend was one of the best parts. We held an Inner Peace getaway for the amazing AWP ladies. From yoga to sailing to long nights of helped center me back in a place that I had been swinging around on like an out of control pendulum.

Being around such a diverse group of ladies, with diverse love stories and diverse ways of dealing with loss just reminded me that all is well.

Being near the ocean, a place Michael so deeply loves, didn't hurt either.

I felt him. I forgot at moments that he was dead, as I was living life as if he was right there with me, with his soft, close-mouthed, grin and warm green eyes looking down at me.

I feel him when I live life as he's right there with me, and maybe it's a reminder that he never has left.

I must believe that if a feeling that strong exists, just like my love for him, it will never wander or disappear, I just must remind myself that it is real and to use it to get me through the times I need it most....and that's always :)

It's there waiting for me to take hold of, embrace, and have eternally...just as I know he is waiting there, where the world begins, to do the same.

In love with you, baby...


  1. Taryn,
    Thankyou for this post. I really needed it this morning. Because last night when i went to bed I suddenly couldn't conjure up my husbands voice ( i try to do this overnight before I close my eyes, just the sound of his "good night sweet one" and "I love you". I cried myself to sleep.
    I want to believe he is not far away and that he waits for me, for the day we can be reunited. But lately, it feels like if I try to live too hard, he gets further away. But maybe if I can find a way to live like he is here - because my love for him is so strong and if I can feel it - if I don't ever let go - he won't either.
    I remember his face the last time he said I love you. I remember there was no question in my mind that he did, it was overwhelming, it was vibrant and pulsing and in the room around us. It was the one thing he desperately wanted to say and he managed to say it - through the haze of medication. I just have to hold on to that and believe.

    Thanks for helping me to wake today and to take away some sadness.

  2. How do you feel anything......I can't feel anything.....I just want to go with him. I want him to talk to me.....I am so numb I can't stand unexpected, so unreal. I love him.

  3. I am so sorry counslr10454. It is so, so hard when all you want is him. Just know that you aren't alone in wishing you could hear him, touch him, talk to him. The ache to have him with you doesn't change, but your ability to go on despite the ache does. Please keep reaching out and seeking support. Just take one small step at a time. Thinking of you.