Friday, August 19, 2011

to me....three year ago me.

I will never be able to deliver this letter to myself three years ago in the past. But I can post it here and hope that it will offer some comfort and solace to some of the widows/widowers who come after me ....

Dear Me (and You),

I know you feel that you died in the moment that you lost Jeff and that you will never have the desire to live again.
I understand that you don't know which end is up and you are searching for answers anywhere you can find them.
I get that you just want something/someone to soothe the hurt and fear inside you....and that you have trouble fathoming that it cannot and will not ever be Jeff again.
I want to tell you that you will live. And one day, if you allow yourself, you will again cherish the life you have been given.
I promise you that although none of us, while alive, will ever know concretely what happens after death and why our lives evolve as they do, life will one day make sense to you again and if you manage to remind yourself that there are miracles and wonders unseen all around you, you will be able to guide yourself through.
I know that it breaks your heart that you cannot lean into Jeff and cry deep into his shoulders with his arms enveloping you within his safe embrace, but you will learn to care for and comfort yourself. And the memory of his love for you and who you are will stay and remind you of the good within.
You will grow. You will stumble...but you will get up again. You will find those who understand your loss and although they may not live close by, they will laugh and cry with you and form unbreakable bonds with you. You will smile again. You will find joy again.
This will all take time....but you will make it. I promise.
You have lived through this....everything else is cake.


  1. I hope you are right because right now I am having a hard time believing this

  2. Jackie,
    This post has given me more hope than anything I have read here in the past year.
    Thank you from the heart.

  3. Being only two months out from my husband's death, every word in that letter helps as it speaks to exactly how I've felt every day.

  4. I needed this. Thank you so much. I am two and a half months out and I hope one day I can look back and say this to myself and know that I did make it and will continue to make it. Thank you

  5. Oh yes. I remember this....happened to me 4 years ago. Believe that one day, you too, will be normal.....but changed, in a good way. Nothing is taken for granted. You love more. Happiness is relished. The heart still has an ache but the love there is more...and empowering.

  6. Here's to the cake. Thank you Jackie for a wonderful post!

  7. Sometimes, one can have come...what feels like a long way...when suddenly the unexpected can re-ignite the deep, deep pain within. Now, twenty-six months and one week since my husband's passing...there is enough experience to know that this fresh wound shall also pass.

  8. Beautiful. Thank you.

  9. This was a beautiful and necessary post for me to read but does joy ever return to life? Every event in my family, weddings, graduations, job promotions etc that should be so joyful are less so for me. I put on a great act so that I don't bring everyone down and keep getting but I'm tired. How do you have true joy when you have no one with which to share? I'm 2 years without my husband and I know that it may take more time. So I'll hang in there and keep getting hope from this blog. Thank you.