Sunday, January 15, 2012

Preparing for change.

Change direction

It's time for change.

I have been taking stock into where my life has been, where it is at the moment, and where I want it to go in the not so distant future.

For many of us, well, for all of us I suppose, change was at one time an unwelcome visitor. Change happened to us. Change came up from behind, kicked our feet up from beneath us, and took something we most valued.

I know that when my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor change happened to me. When that final day arrived and he was taken from me, change definitely happened to me. Since that day, change has continued to occur, both welcomed and unwelcome, expected and unexpected.

The way I tend to live my life, especially these past couple of years, is to anticipate what I think I will need. Rather than let change happen to me, I make the first move, and keep moving.

Lately I have known that it is time to make some changes, and after giving it some serious thought I have decided to change my writing. Firstly, I need to take a break from all writing for a short time. I need to focus on my day to day living, and put some focus on the new person in my life. I feel like I need to live my day to day life without over analyzing it. I also need to do this more privately.

With this in mind I have decided to end my regular writing here on Widow's Voice. Next week will be my final posting. I believe that when one person goes silent, another speaks. It is my hope that by honoring what I know is best for me, stepping aside, I will be creating a space so that someone new may begin. I often think of us all as making up a beautiful and rich quilt. We are all bound together through our hope and through our grief. Each of us is unique, and by sharing our own personal stories and comments here on Widow's Voice we create something that is so warm and comforting.

For now, I am preparing for change. I am formulating my thoughts and feelings, and will be writing one last message next week. And who knows, I may pop up every once in awhile here, or somewhere else. I don't think I can stop writing all together, yet I know that I need to begin writing something new. For now, know that I am already feeling some anticipatory loss just by making this decision, and sharing it with you.

Much love.



  1. Dan,
    While I read your entry with some sadness - it is also tinged with hope. The hope that the kind of change you are experiencing will also come my way some day. The change where I can anticipate without running through all my what if scenarios. I know that is just about trying to control the uncontrollable. I always read your posts because they said something very distinctive - what it was like to be a gay widower, what it was like to lose someone to a brain tumour. Both things hold their own special place. I am happy for you. To know that it is time to give your life over to more living, to let that in and to do something about it. One of the things most difficult about grief is that it can make it very hard to make decisions. It can make you feel stuck and unable to move forward. In coming here for 14 months I have been awed and moved and inspired by the widows voice community. It has helped me have a place to express my thoughts and feelings. It has also made me realize that grief is an ever changing landscape, some of the paths are hard, some give you a breathtaking view and sometimes - there is no path, you have to walk ahead and trust in the rightness of your steps.

    I hope the space you gain is filled with all good things. Thank you so much for sharing your unique perspective. One of the reasons I stayed with this blog was you - because of this inclusive community. Because your voice, your loss also shows the widowed community that the love and depth between gay partners is no different than the straight community. Maybe when the issue of gay marriage comes up in their communities, having read your voice and your grief and love - they will see more clearly.
    Thank you for sharing your journey.
    Be well.

  2. Dan,
    Your gentle and introspective writings has touched me. Thank you. I admire your strength to be willing and able to move forward in your journey. The stories you have shared have brought tears to my eyes, laughter to my lips, tugs on my heart, and an openness to my thoughts.

    Breathe Deep

  3. Dan, you will be missed, but wouldn't want anything else for you except your current truth. Best wishes on your journey-Chris T.

  4. Dan,
    Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Thank you for your voice. You will be missed my friend. I am glad you are open to where you are at now. Blessings to you. Brandi

  5. Thank You Dan, I have followed your journey, cried and laughed with you. You will be truly miss and you have given all of us hope and faith for the next move forward. Best wishes on your journey and the new life you and your new partner are making.

  6. Wow, I will miss your sharing so much! I loved your honesty and and you were always so interesting. I wish you the very best, but also wonder how your story will turn out. Is there a blog that I could follow?

  7. I hope to see you post once in a while in the future.
    I share your pain and joy. I will pray that your future is bright. thanks for all you have done. Sandy