Friday, January 20, 2012
A Quick Punch in the Gut
If you're on Facebook, you've probably seen the postings about the birthday video for Rachel, a recent widow. I don't really know the details of her story, but from the video it seems her husband was fighting cancer and he made a video for her as a present for her birthday. The video is of him, holding poster boards of his words -not speaking, but showing video of their wedding, telling her how much he loves her, and their two small children are in the video too. It is absolutely precious. Of course (and I say that as a bitter widow of cancer) - of course he dies.
I saw the link to the video on FB, and it even had a great "grab some tissues" warning on it. Like an idiot, I watched. I sat alone on my bed and cried like a baby. It was just so damned beautiful, and so freakin sad. I felt her loss like my own, and for a few gut wrenching sobs I was transported back 6 years ago, hating cancer, mad at God and wondering why life is so painful and unfair. I don't get much time to myself, so the cry must have lasted all of a one minute and I had my game face back on. But the instant gut reaction caught me off guard and the black thoughts weren't so easily dismissed.
Death sucks and it will always suck. Cancer sucks. I have felt and continue to feel helpless in the face of cancer, and continue to hate M.D. Anderson (a cancer treatment hospital in Houston) and their beautiful facility - clearly money is no object....what is the incentive to cure cancer? If they cure it, the cancer research facilities, treatment hospitals, and pharmaceutical companies will stop making so much money. I have serious doubts that a cure is really high on their board members agendas.
Clearly I am bitter about cancer. I just don't show it everyday. Rachel's video was beautiful and a horrible reminder of the victims of the disease and the senseless loss. It hit me hard and I'm still pissed. KCUF RECNAC.