Wednesday, September 4, 2013
I Wish I'd Never Met You ......
...... but then, I'm sure you feel the same way.
And we're all ok with that.
It's probably safe to say that none of us would ever have met one another, had we not experienced the loss of half of our heart.
Had Jim not died, I'd most likely still be writing funny stories about our family ...... not stories about learning how to survive what happened to our family.
I certainly wouldn't be telling people I care about ...... that I wish I'd never met them.
I doubt that there are many people who could hear someone say those words to them and think, "Yep. I totally get that. Right back at you."...... and then ask, "Now where would you like to go for dinner?" :)
At this point in my "after", I don't spend much time wishing for what cannot be.
I no longer sit for hours on end, wishing that Jim were here.
I don't use my time wishing that things had turned out differently.
Not that I don't wish all of that, but I know that wishing for it won't make it happen. Jim cannot be brought back to life ...... no matter how hard I wish, or how many candles I blow out ...... or how many wishbones I break.
I know that I will not wake up one day, and find him taking a shower in our bathroom because I dreamed these last 5 years.
More importantly, I know that if I sit around wishing for what will never happen ...... I will miss out on what could happen.
I'm learning that there is so much out there that could happen ...... if I'll only look.
It took me a while to get to this point.
A long while.
It's a point I never thought I'd see.
Sometimes, it was a point I had to choose.
And the ability to make that choice came with time.
The reason this thought came to me is that I spent the weekend with 3 of my widowed friends. And although we had a wonderful time, although we each wished that our time together didn't have to end, and although we love each other ...... we all agree that we wish we'd never met.
Or more precisely, that we never had a reason to meet.
But ...... since I know that wishing won't "undo" things ...... and since I know that I won't wake up tomorrow and find Jim in the shower (which would most likely give me a heart attack anyway!) ...... I'd just like to say that whether it's been face to face, or computer to computer ...... I'm not only glad, but very, very thankful ...... that I've met you.