Bunkering Down

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Two weeks ago was the 2nd anniversary of Ian getting sick. 

About this time last year was when I finally crashed head on into my loss and grief after having pushed through the 3 months of Ian's illness, his passing and continued to work for another 9 months.

I pulled out of classes, stopped work, sought medical and psychological help and basically jettisoned as much as I could off my load to just deal.

This year I thought I got through this anniversary relatively unscathed.  A few tears, a bit flat and melancholy, but I was able to keep up with the stuff of everyday life as a single mum and student.

And then last week hit.

Get sick - check

Decide going to class just isn't going to happen - check

Look at the work I have to do for school and decide it's just too hard - check (although I also suspect the assignment question is really, really badly worded and even a non-grief addled brain would struggle with it)

Short on patience with my active, use mum as a climbing frame, 3 year old son - check

Not taking as good a care of myself as I should - check

Get a raging headache that I just couldn't shake so shipped said 3 year old off to a last minute sleep over at the grandparents - check.

So I simply bunkered down for the latter half of the week while John was at pre-school, and slept every afternoon.

But I have to emerge again this week.  There are birthday parties to get to, meetings to attend, tests and assignments due at school.  Thankfully I feel like I'm able to.