NYC

** I'm going to preface this with the fact that I wrote it October 25th,2013.....2 days after meeting L at an awards ceremony where we were both recipients in New York. I kept it stashed away, but feel that it has now become one more piece of the unfolding of the Texas girl and Boston boy.**



Ok.

I'm going to say it.

I'm completely intrigued by someone I hardly know.

It reminds me of when I first met my husband.

Sarcasm as a protective shield.

Purposely not trying to show attention or interest of any kind.

Heck, he may be gay. 

But he called me out.

Made me laugh.

Is way too intelligent for my comprehension, yet still makes me feel that I am worthy to speak with.

Just like Michael.

And tall.

I forgot to mention that.

Others have caught my eye and I mentally went through the ringer trying to figure out why, but with him it's so clear.

If ever I was to choose someone to be around. Learn from. Be challenged by. Travel with....after all that has happened....i have a deep and knowing feeling that He makes me feel like it could be him.

And if he's not straight, I'd still love too (but secretly hoping he's not...or not in a relationship...shit, forgot about that!)


He's nowhere near, yet I feel that we will meet.


When I met him, I just wanted to be around him. 

As if our energies fed off each other.


I love my husband so.

I do not know why he crossed my path.

But he has, and I'm being emotionally challenged by the feelings.

I can't really believe I'm writing this, but I know it must be for the deep underlying feeling that if anyone could ever intrigue me to care for another after losing my baby, he makes me feel like he could.

Fuck. I feel like a 13 year old writing in her diary.

I know who will see this and that you will guide me and answer me on the reason why he is now stuck in my mind.

It's a secret he makes me feel like I want to reveal if the future should unfold for us to meet each other once more.

A crush on the man who may not even find me the least bit interesting or beautiful or intelligent... yet the one that has made the girl with the laser focused eye, look away to him.

I ask that my worries, apprehensions, feelings and fears be released and set aside to let the natural path unfold as it will.

Luke, i don't know you, but you have challenged all I have known for 6 years.

Thank you for that.....though it's a pain.

I hope we'll meet, and toast and laugh once more.