Too busy

I have report cards due in the next few weeks. 
Work is hectic as we finish up assessing where the kids are at. 
Home is stressful as my own kids finish off assessments that their teacher need to assess (but DON'T get me started on teachers who allow assessments to be done at home in primary school and just how many parent's are earning their kids' grades).

I am busy pretty much all of the time right now.

....and while I am not stressed (at this stage), I am also so busy that I have not had any time to just sit and miss him.

I feel distant from him, when I had been feeling like he was so connected to us that I could almost feel him next to me.  I had been just starting conversations with him when I was alone, feeling like it was not a one-sided thing.

....and I need to get that feeling back before I crash and burn later....

I need to remind myself that I was (am) loved by the most remarkable man. 
A man who I trusted with my heart and soul. 
A man whose love for me was bigger than anything I can imagine.

So on the weekend, I will make a time between marking report cards and cleaning the house where I can go outside, sit in the sunshine and just be with my memories of Greg.
Where I can feel his hand on my shoulder and his whisper in my ear and remind myself that I am still loved.

distraction

Just a FEW of my daily doses of chaos. <3

So, I totally dropped the ball last week.

I literally went through the whole day in chaos and finally when the kids were down and I had a second I realized that I was supposed to post here. Oops.

Life has been nothing short of crazy lately. We've done so much traveling, the kids had class parties, graduations, and we are now in the middle of a flourishing business of hand made pallet projects which we did not expect, but are loving and working on getting our online store up and running, we're preparing for multiple family company staying with us over the next couple of weeks, Steve is awaiting news about a potential job that he's excited about, it just so happened to be my son's birthday last week...the list goes on and on. On top of that, we should know tomorrow if we are having a boy or a girl! Eeek!

You'd think keeping busy in chaos would distract me from matters of the heart, and to some degree it does, but nothing can keep me from remembering what's important in life. Even on the days where I slip back into my old habits, at the end of the day I readjust because life has taught me not to waste time dwelling on things that aren't important. Stress, frustration, other people's stupidity, busy schedules....these things are inevitable. But thankfulness and perspective is a choice.

I saw a quote the other day that read "If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders." This struck me as I realized no amount of business kept my mind from wondering...and this is where I know my heart is:

My heart is with my children.
It is with my marriage.
It is with my friends.
It is with the life growing inside me.
It is sometimes with my insecurities about myself.
It is often on a beach somewhere listening to ocean....

And my heart is definitely still, and always will be with Jeremy. No matter where life takes me, it never takes me far from him. The world can't take away what we shared together.