Sunday, July 17, 2011

Grief from A Child

This is what Ezra has to say about grief. He wants you to pay attention. He's nine. He was 7 by three weeks when Art died. M=Mom, aka Kim

E: It's scary whenever I go to sleep because I’m afraid I will be dreaming about daddy.

M: Why do you not like that?

E: Cause then every morning I wake up and I realize that he’s never coming back and it’s really hard for me.

M: What do you miss about your dad?

E: I miss that everyone would say, “Oh your dad is so tall. I wish I had a dad like him!” and stuff like that.

M: What do you think about our new lives without him?

E: Everyone says that everything that happens on earth has a reason. And it’s really hard to believe that this has a reason.

M: What do you like about our lives now that you don’t have Daddy?

E: Come to think of it, I’m having a lot of new experience that I wouldn’t have if my dad was alive.

M: Like what?

E: One of the biggest experiences is not having dad.

M: What are your good days like?

E: I don’t know. I think about him. I have my mind on other stuff.

M: Do you have any advice for people who are grieving, adult or child?

E: If people say that they are in worse grief than you are, just say, "You know I don’t think you are." because there are different kinds of grief. So it may be they are in bigger grief than me but in a different way.

When people say that to me, I just think you don’t know how I feel, so how can you compare something when you don’t know what it is?

M: What is it like to watch me cry when I miss Daddy?

E: I have different feelings. Sometimes I feel like I let you down somehow. Sometimes I feel like I should just leave you alone because I’m not in too good a shape myself.

M: When you comfort me, how does that make you feel?

E: When I comfort you, it kind of comforts me. And also that’s why I like to play the piano sometimes. It’s another way to express myself without getting mad. It comforts me.

E: slyly. That’s why you should let me get on the piano more often.

M: Do you have any tips for widowed mothers?

E: When the kids say, “Leave me alone” the mother should. Cause a lot of times when we say, "Leave me alone." it’s just better to be left alone because it feels good to let your feelings out when you’re not with other people.

M: Ezra can I post this for other widow’s to read?

E: Well that’s why you’re writing it all down, isn’t it?

I love you Ezra. Thank you for teaching me what it's like to be you.


  1. Wow, Kim! That was powerful. Thank Ezra so much for me. My children are chronologically "adults", 25, 22 and 20. But I hear their voices coming through Ezra. They are still children trying hard to make some sense of their father's death just like a 9 year old. And they're responding the same way- realizing that there is NO making sense of it. Tell Ezra that when my children seem like they want to be left alone, that now, I'll do just that. His advice on that is the best that I've gotten.

  2. Thank you for telling us about how you feel Ezra. It helps to hear life from your point of view.

  3. Thank you Ezra and Kim. Pretty wise to realize there are different kinds of grief. And there are times when it's good to talk about it, and times when it's good not to. Thank you.

  4. Again, this post comes to me at a time, when I was grieving for myself and for my daughters. My older daughter plays in softball tournaments,she and her dad would discuss her game as well as other games, but this weekend it was only her and I. Although she did not say anything, I felt like she was missing him, but I did not say anything,either. Ezra, thanks for letting me know that this was OK, because sometimes she needs to just let things be.
    You are a wise young man, you would make your dad proud and mom, too!

  5. What a great post. Thanks, Ezra, for letting me know that I should just leave my son alone sometimes instead of trying to find out what he's feeling. I'm sure you're right about that! Your perspective is very interesting to read.