Thursday, July 14, 2011

"where are you from?"

that's a question

i used to get asked

a lot in my previous life,

(you know, the one before my wife died)

it was either preceded by,

or sometimes followed by,

"what do you do?"

in my current life,

it matters less where

i'm from & what i do...

what's more important,

especially to others

like me

(like us),

are questions like,

"what happened?"


"how did you get here?"


"how long has it been?"

it's weird for me

to consider that

the questions that

used to be normal

parts of a

"getting to know you" conversation

are now asked as an

afterthought, or aren't

asked at all.


that got me to thinking

about how unimportant

our location is

in all of this.

of course

there are many significant

differences for widows/ers

in different places,

(including how some of us are supported both emotionally and financially after the death of our partners, among many other things)

but where we're located

is less important

in this community

than our personal stories

of love, death, happiness, sadness

and all that follows.

and the differences that

naturally exist between

us because of

where we're from

(which is a huge part of who we are)

dissolve pretty quickly

when there's a unifying

force in our

lives like death.

and as much as it

sucks that we

all have this,

the death of a partner,

as such a huge

and defining

part of our lives,

it's pretty fucking awesome

that we have each other,

no matter where

we're from...

(also, this is my last post for the widow's voice blog. it's time for another voice to take my place, a voice that needs to be heard, a voice that happens to be from australia. please welcome amanda each thursday as she shares her life with you. and thanks for reading my ramblings over the years. the comments you've left for me have helped me immensely, and i can only hope that my words have had even a nominal impact on you. more importantly, i hope that the writing you've read by all of the writers on this blog has made you feel less alone as you navigate through the life you never wanted. i encourage all of you to write down your thoughts, even if no one else ever reads them. writing has helped me more than i ever could have imagined, and i'm pretty sure it can do the same for you).


  1. Matt, sorry to see you go, but to me it signals progress and hope! You are the third person to "sign off which to me signals you are unto a happier place in your journey" I must say you all have helped me tremendously, over the net! You are so right in this post and I even think that what is important to us as people changes so much after. Welcome also to Amanda, it is a contridiction to say-,since no one wants to wish this widowed live on anyone!

  2. Yes, best of luck to you Matt in your journey forward. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Many times others have written exactly what I have thought, and your writings have been no different. Thank you. Welcome Amanda. We will all get through this process together.

  3. So sad to see you won't be posting anymore but agree this probably indicates things are taking different directions for you right now. Best of luck to you and yours.


  4. Matt, thanking you for your heartfelt sharing and wishing you and your daughter the best in the future. God bless you and your family.

  5. I know your presence here will be sorely missed, Matt. Still, I join everyone else in wishing you exactly what you've always given all of us: nothing but the best ♥

  6. Widowhood definitely changes the perspective of what's important in life. (Yes. How we got here now seems more important than where we're from anymore.) And I do have to say that I hate that I now have a 'story'. Ignorance is truly bliss and I wish I still lived a life where I believed Dave & I would grow old together. That tragedy happened to others not us.

    We're sorry to see you go Matt, and I'm also hopeful that this is a signal of 'progress'. I hope that progress, or moving on/forward is possible for us all.

  7. Matt, your story was one of the first "widow" stories I came across when I was widowed. I read and reread your story and looked at the pictures of a grieving father, but also pictures of a beautiful little girl who just shines from the screen.
    Thank you for your warm introduction as I try and fill such big shoes here on WV....
    X Amanda

  8. Just like all the others who have commented on today's post, Thank you Matt for all of your words. I look forward to reading everyone's posts everyday and yours were no exception. This entire blog gives me peace in knowing that I am not alone... and even though I have never met anyone from this blogging community, I am very thankful that we have each other just like you said. Thank you for all of your words that you have shared and good luck in the rest of your journey through this crazy thing that we call life. Welcome Amanda, I look forward to your posts. Thank you again Matt!

  9. Thank you. Thank you.

  10. Matt, Thank you for Thursdays!
    Because of your sharing, I became brave and took my boys around the world on a cruiseship, this I did so as "to attempt to feel alive, I am forever grateful to you for the suggestion to not listen to what other people thought I should or should not do - So I signed the kids out of school and went, I did this when all I wanted to do most days was shrivel up under the covers and hide or something that rymes with hide. No I did not really want to die, I just wanted/want the pain to stop. The trip helped distract me. I was going to feel what I feel,these past three years, but because of your help - at least I did something other than isolate like other widows I have met. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! coincidentially I just finished your book yesterday morning. Truly Sucks that three years have gone by and here we are, three years and counting - I finally made a reservation for Widows camp. What a freak I turned into, I am so excited to meet "my people" widows and widowers. Thank you for also making this CAMP look like and sound like so much fun. It truly is what I am holding on to when it seems as if I am holding on by a thread, Widows Camp- here I come. Determined to make new friends and have fun with people that "get it" and do not say shit like "he is in a better place" Oh and thank you Matt for being so real, that i feel comfortable sharing without editing my words.

  11. Lori from San DiegoJuly 15, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    Thank you for helping me on my journey. I wish you and your daughter well on yours.

  12. Matt,

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us. im sad to see you go, but so thankful for the time you wrote for WV and for sharing your heart with us. Thank you for all that you have done and continue to do for the widow/er community. good luck with your next adventure!