Friday, October 30, 2009

Insert Soul Mate

After traveling the last 18 hours, I have arrived home! Ireland was amazing and lived up to all of my dreams and expectations (though I had set none). From Cork to the Wicklow mountains, I compiled a dictionaries worth of memories.

With each new locale I'm blessed enough to see, I capture some of the best shots through the lens of my camera that Michael bought me while serving in Iraq. It's my dream Canon, and with it I've frozen some of my most beloved moments in time. When Michael died it began to gather dust. Taking photos brought me so much pleasure, and due to the "woe is me" attitude I had in the beginning, I wanted to enjoy nothing....even that which Michael knew brought me happiness. It's a selfish act that still tries to creep in at dark times.

It would be months later that I took it out. The first shots were in a National Cemetary. Slowly, I eased into other things, and when I began to travel it would be all of the sights before me. Shot by shot a slight void was filled, a passion rekindled.

One thing I have done through the glass shutter is bring a picture of Michael with me and take a photo of it in a spot I know he'd have loved to see with me. Afterward, I place it in a spot to stay forever, a way for me to leave a part of him, as I know I do with locations that I never dreamed to behold

Above is a photo in Finisterra, Spain after my 16 day trek. This past week I found two of the most amazing spots to cross my range of vision, Michael is there too. As it makes no better sense, since through him I have seen what true beauty is in this world. Not only did he give me the camera to capture so many moments, but the heart and eyes to perceive it.

Often while traveling with a camera we arrive just as the sun slips over the horizon of a moment, too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts.
~Minor White


  1. i read Widow's Voice but have yet never commented. but this time i have to. i feel deeply the words you've written. i envy your ability to travel. when my Dragon was alive, he was my camera buddy. he watched out for me to make sure that while looking through the lens i didn't step off a cliff or back up into traffic. but what calls me most of all with this missive is the photo you've included. i am so very drawn to the idea of going somewhere and taking a photograph of your photo of the two of you in that place. you are there together in all the ways a couple can be, except the actual physical one. but the photo places him there in the most powerful way possible.

    i think, from now on, if i get to go anywhere again, i will take a photo of a photo of us in that place, to show myself and my children, anyone who stumbles on my photos, that he is there with me, that he has never left me, not when i keep him so present in my consciousness.

    thank you for this writing and your poignant photograph.
    ~ womanNshadows

  2. You are amazing!