Thursday, September 8, 2011


This past week has been tough.
Really tough.

I was doing OK for a long while, surviving birthdays, parties and mother's day ... but this past week has brought me crashing down with a thud.

There are many reasons for this – my son’s upcoming “procedure” and the worry over his ongoing health, my sister-in-law having some very scary health issues, my job being so uncertain...

....and Father's Day being last Sunday just days after the 1.5 year mark.

That was tough.

But despite picking myself up after each blow, I am starting to wonder if there will come a time when I can't pick myself up again.

I find myself waiting for that next blow. The one that knocks me down so far I can't get back up.

And I feel scared.


  1. Amanda, I am only 10 months, but things get worse every day I do not believe now the saying time heals, I am so scared as well, everyday brings fresh problems, you fix one but two are already waiting to be added. Sometimes I think do I have the strength to keep going with support. Hugs and take care

  2. I'm almost 3 yrs out, and the second year was more difficult to go through, which scared me. I think in the first year I was under some protective denial. But it does get better. The pain doesn't go away, but its not right in front of you all the time. Grief is just something you have to go through to get better. Sometimes when I'm scared, I ask all the spirits of the people that I love who have passed, including my husband, to help me deal with my emotions, and I get relief. Blessing, you are on the path out of the woods.

  3. Today is my 1.5 anniversary and I feel very scared as well. Time after time I have crawled out only to find myself back down again. If I have time between each knock down, I seem to emerge stronger. But the last two weeks, there have been too many, and I do wonder if I will go down and not come up. Fear and grief as absolutely linked.

    Thank you for your post and hang in there!!!!!

  4. Father's Day was a knock for me as well Amanda. It's almost 9 months now and I still look for him and still miss him terribly. I am lucky in so many ways though to have my family close by and to be able to share their love and fill the house with children and laughter. We have also had a health scare with my daughter this year which has been part of an ongoing saga of health issues. My hopes for your son and sister-in-law are that things settle and that like my daughter they resolve in a positive way. (((HUGS))) from another Aussie

  5. That C.S. Lewis quote is spot on. Grief IS a lot like fear. I think the second year after a loss is really the worst and I believe you will continue to pick yourself up. Although it can be hard to see, you are getting stronger every time you get back up again.