Saturday, February 25, 2012


May will mark the 1 year anniversary of my beloved Charlie's death.

It still feels like I was just walking through the airport terminal getting the call from the oncologist. Yesterday, that he was fighting for his life and my soul and heart. Yesterday, that I laid with him at the fireplace and felt his last breath pass by my cheek.

Just like Michael, the gaping hole will never be filled where Charlie's life and love still lay, but the past few months I've felt that it may be time to find Maximus a new friend, a new brother. Not only that, I felt that I was ready for the possibility for there to be another fur-monster in our family.

I looked online, found doggies that peaked my interest. I went to meet and greets and even had one dog spend the weekend with Maximus and I.

When he was here, I felt disheartened. He was a good dog, but my heart wasn't in it, and Max seemed more depressed than ever.

I then headed to Paris, and while there saw all of this squatty, terrier type dogs and when I returned home, found myself on the same place I found Maximus...Craigslist.

There was still a fire in my heart that this was possible.

Then I saw him...this furry, white, westie with a smile.

I emailed, got a response, and 5 hours later was meeting him.

He jumped right into my lap and started kissing me.

I knew Charlie wouldn't have killed him immediately and I knew that he'd keep Max on his paws. I knew he was right. My heart felt like it was smiling.

So it's been 3 full days with my white stallion, that I can't quite figure a name out for (that was always Michael's job...or mine and then Michael's to come up with a more sane one), and I'm glad I listened to the call my heart was making.

It's bittersweet, in knowing that the Charlie, Michael, and Maximus family is growing, but more sweet than anything.

Opening up our hearts to experiences, new friends, new additions to our always scary. But if we listen to, and allow the new things to not take place of or fill the gap...I think everything comes together...we realize that the heart still bears its scars and holes, but it can always stretch just a little bit more.

"A person's world is only as big as their heart"
-Tanya A. Moore


  1. So strange to be reading this post. I will have a new pup in a week. Part of me thinks I am crazy. I lost my old dog at the beginning of my husbands illness. We had to put her down. I never really had the time to grieve her as we were in crisis mode as soon as he came home from the hospital.
    However over the past two months I started thinking about a dog. So< I put a deposit on a pup. Some of my friends think I am crazy, it will tie you down, etc. They are probably right. I also know my reservation is part "how long will it live" can I bear another loss in my life? I calculated this morning, if he lives ten years I will be 63.
    My husband loved dogs. Before he died he told me to get another dog - I didn't think my heart could take it.
    But hear I am, like a new mother awaiting a child. I guess my heart could stretch after all.

  2. Wonderful- what could be better than a cheerful attentive Westie? I got my second 2 months after my husband died..she's been my companion, confidant and bed sharer :) It would have been difficult to weather my grief and loneliness without her. Enjoy your new family!

  3. Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything, first anon, but how do your friends know what is good for you? Tie you down? When people say that, I say, from what? Not like I am doing that much do you know you won't die before the dog???? I worry about that more than them dying first. I don't take any of that stuff for granted anymore.....just sayin....

  4. I got our Westie shortly after Greg died and she brought such sunshine into our house. Enjoy your sweet doggie -he'll bring you great joy!

  5. My mom never had a dog of her own until after my father passed away(9 years ago) Every dog that came into our home ended up being my dad's dog, he just had that kind of loving heart, and kindness that every dog we got was drawn too. Not that any of us didn't have a loving heart, but they would just take to him. One year after my dad passed away mom found her a toy poodle, she and her missy have been wonderful together. Sleep together, travel together, I think my mom talks dog language, because I know that missy can speak english! Have a companion is wonderful. I am so happy for you!