Wednesday, February 22, 2012

It Seems That I Am Overqualified ....

                                                     picture from here

... to grieve in the same way as most widows.  
According to certain people.

(Surprisingly enough, I wrote this post before I read Amanda's post from yesterday.  It seems we know some of the same people!  :)

This can be a touchy subject, so be prepared to feel "touchy".
It's about money.
Or the lack thereof.

Someone who reads my personal blog thinks I don't deserve to complain, feel sad, or write my honest feelings about my life, my challenges,  my need for a break from the "stuff" that keeps cropping up in my life ..... from my grief.
Of course, this person doesn't post with her/his own name, but hides behind the label "Anonymous".
Of course.

She writes that she is "offended" by my blog.
I wonder why she reads it?  

Anyway, it seems that there is a division in widowhood (according to her .... and I would bet it's a "her"):
1.  Widows who were lucky/blessed enough to have a husband who thought "what if" .... and prepared  financially for the event neither thought would happen

and ....

2.  Those who didn't.  

This person doesn't seem to think that I have the right to "grieve",  or complain about all of the crap that's happened in my life these last 4 years ..... because I get to "play tennis".
Because I don't have to have a full time job.  Yet.
And because my children are all healthy.

She has written, more than once, that there are other widows out there who are "much worse off" than me.
And she's right.  There certainly are.
I am so aware of those widows ..... that I have often written about how blessed I am.  I know it.  And I don't take that for granted.

But ..... to believe that widows who aren't struggling don't deserve to grieve as hard as those who aren't .....
is to be ignorant of what true grief is.
Lucky her.

I don't deserve to hurt, to be unhappy some days, to write about the negative things that have gone on for over 4 years ..... because I'm in group #1?

I don't deserve to feel overwhelmed on some days?
I don't deserve to feel that I need a break from:  only-parenting 2 teenage boys (and 4 "adults"), health issues that never seem to end (including cancer and surgery, R.A., depression, an almost 3 month-long bladder infection .... I won't continue to bore you with all of that crap), children who make wrong decisions, children who are struggling with their grief, being the sole care-taker of a home and cars, 
being the sole decision-maker for 7 people .... and most times just taking a wild guess, which goes horribly wrong?

I don't deserve to grieve openly and honestly because I have more money than some people?

How many of you have found that having money means that your heart didn't break when your loved one died?  Or that you "moved on" .... and sooner than most widows?
How many of you didn't feel like you wanted to die .... because you could pay your bills?
How many of you haven't struggled with your children's grief, with the fact that the person who was you, died that day, with loneliness, thoughtless comments, depression, health issues, sleepless nights, wondering if you'll die alone, wondering if something happened to you while you were alone in your home ... how long it would take for someone to find you ..... because your spouse bought life insurance?

How many of you have no worries about the future .... of ever being loved (or ever loving someone),  of witnessing all of the milestones of your children .... without their father .... because you live in a nice house?

And .... how many of you would give up every cent you have, every single possession ..... and live on the streets if that would bring your loved one back?

This is not the first time I've heard this judgement from someone.
But it still surprised me.
People can be so thoughtless.

Especially people who've never heard the phrase, "Money doesn't buy happiness."

They most likely haven't heard this one, either:  "All the money in the world cannot make up for becoming widowed".
Yes, I just made that one up.

And this one ......  "Money can't bring back a dead husband/wife".

But I guess, according to some people, money makes you overqualified to grieve.

I wish someone had informed me of that fact 4 years ago.



  1. JUDGEMENTS again... ARGHHH!!!

    This "anonymous person" really annoys me because a) presumably she has a computer on which to be "anonymous" which b) makes her amongst the richest widows in the world..... which, according to her logic, means that neither she nor ANYBODY READING THIS NOW has the right to grieve because they c) have computer access, d)have access to electricity and e)are all better off than somebody else.

    Perhaps she'd like to visit Vrindavan and tell people there how hard she's got it.


  2. Oh, how horrible that we should disqualify someone else's grief! I too am one of those lucky widows who like you have the money to survive, but I am always draw back to the fact that I have this money, but my love one never got to enjoy the benefit of it with me. It does not make any difference, my grief is as real as anyone else's it just allows me to be generous and help someone else in not so great a place to feel better- I have donated so much of it to other people suffering, because I also know what that is like. Rich or poor I would not wish widowhood on anyone. It sucks no matter how much money you are worth! I can buy the feeling of being loved or cared for without conditions. But unfortunely, people will be sh'''ts, and that is an unfortunate reality, it is just to bad it comes from someone who should get it!

  3. losing a partner is not the same as losing a paycheck.

  4. Amen!
    I am in the same boat. I am financially well off not by luck but by exceptional planning and hard work. I have two cars, a beautiful home and a cottage. I am retired. I can go to lunch and buy new shoes. But as I have told my children you will never know how immediately it all becomes meaningless to have "everything you ever dreamed of wanting" but suddenly to have nothing you want - because the one you love is gone. Forever.
    My husband and I worked our asses off in our business to retire early and travel. We helped our employees, our families, our children, we educated our nieces and gave money to charity - generously. I am not going to apologize for that one bit.
    BUT - I too am so tired of people assuming because i have all this "stuff" that I am not grieving just as deeply. As Janine said. I would go back to our one bedroom little apartment that we had when we married all those years ago. I would do it this minute if I could have him back.
    I often think of the widows who are struggling financially, or have small children to care for, who are wondering how to pay the gas bill or find money for repairs to their home. I do know - deep in my heart how lucky I am.
    But it doesnt change my grief one single bit.
    Everyday I have to climb over the desperation of that grief. All the things are just the clutter I climb over to try to see the other side - the life alone.

    Funny - I contracted a big flu virus this week and feel crappy. That was the first thing I thought of this morning. If i get sick - really sick - cancer sick, like he did - who will take care of me? There is no substitute for love.

    Thanks Janine for saying the truth.

  5. One of the saddest moments in my life was taking a life insurance check to the bank and depositing it. My banker also chose that time to take my husband's name off of the account. I felt so stupid but I cried like a baby and could not stop the entire time I was at the bank. All I could think of was how wonderful it would have been to enjoy that money with my sweet husband. Taking his name off of the accounts made me feeling like I was erasing him. We have all earned our grief.

    1. The worst check I've ever had to look at. I agree with you.

  6. Janine,
    Don't let one person's hurtful comments erase all the good you have done for all of us. I know it is even worse because this is a "safe" place where all feelings should be able to be shared, but sometimes people can't get out of their own way (grief). I am hopeful that she reads your entry today and gets the perspective that we are all in the same horrible place, money or not.

  7. ahhh... competitive grief. A game no one wins.

    Maybe your lot in life is not "as hard" as least financially. But that doesn't make yours any better.

    My mom was widowed at 38. My dad died 17 days before his 40th birthday. She outlived him soon after, my sister and I have both outlived him too -- she last february, me in september 2007. My mom managed. Kept the house, got us through college, has since owned a condo, a house, and soon a condo again.

    It still destroyed her, and the life she had imagined for herself. She has a good life -- she's financially comfortable, has friends, grandchildren, interests. She travels when she wants to, volunteers at a school, and is in good health considering she'll be 70 this year. BUT she was meant to do all that with *him.*

  8. Grief is grief, it doesn't know if you are rich or poor.
    We, too, worked hard over the years, planned for retirement and were just entering into it when all those plans changed. Now I have all this "stuff" (house, cottage, boat we planned to live on) but no one to be by my side. I will probably be selling it all to survive, and I too worry about the "what ifs" - who will take care of me if something happens? So my new planning will focus on having it all in place so I am not dependent on anyone.

    I had no idea that grief could be all so encompassing until it has happened to me. I did not know this other world existed. I know of many other widows/widowers, of all ages and financial status, and have learned that we all share the same feelings of grief. Yes, I can pay my bills easier than some, but I still need to go on living without the person I planned to be with into the golden years. My life has changed forever, and I grieve as much as the next widow no matter what the financial status.

  9. As a widow who wasn't fortunate enough to have "planned ahead", who does wonder sometimes where the food is going to come from, who can't work because of her childs special needs and has to make SS work for us, I have NEVER looked at those widows who had money left for them and said "Damn, their life is easy".

    All that said, as crazy and bad as it's been at times in the past 5+ years, I consider myself BLESSED beyond belief because God has provided every time I've been in need. From friends that show up with food boxes from their Church Pantry, to one that didn't use her allotment of food stamps and showed up with a car full of groceries for me. A boyfriend who had a temp job near me and split my rent and expenses for a month, odd jobs that come up just when I need extra to pay for something ...

    Anonymous needs to move on and go live their own miserable life. As bad as us widows have it, we are amazingly strong people and will survive.

  10. This is sad. More than sad. How dare anyone say what the 'correct' way to grieve is for anyone else?
    I didn't have a life insurance policy for my husband, but if I had, I'd give every penny back plus interest just to see him for one more day.

  11. My sister-in-law wrote an advice column -and it was printed from 'caring too much' about how I should give 4/5th of my insurance money to her mother. (whom she was still living with despite my SIL being the age of 33) since my house was paid for via the house insurance and my husband would have wanted it that way (yeah.. that's why he had a WILL and insurance which left everything to his wife with 3 kids under 8 and uh.. not his mom or sister or brothers.)All I needed was that 1/5th of it! and she had this crazy amount; like 5 million! Where do they get these ideas? I'd be in Hawaii if I had that kinda money... The columnist was not sympathetic to her anyways. lol. I haven't seen her in 3 years or more despite my not getting 'offended'.

    My Brother-in-law also recently made a comment about how proud he was that he bought HIS house with his own money and didn't 'inherit it'. Yeah. because I wanted to cash in on that mortgage insurance! woohoo! It pisses me off because I have been nothing but nice to them despite their neglect and inattention to their brothers kids.

  12. Amen Janine.. Now a perspective from someone who has been on both sides of the fence. I was first widowed in 98..fortunately all the children were grown, last one had just turned 18 BUT was leaving for marine boot camp in 3 mths...which my darling husband was with him when he signed up ( i was on business 1500 miles away when he died)- so I came home to no husband, no money and a son leaving for boot camp. NO money- yep I was on commissioned sales and he was on SSI, so his paycheck left..o btw no life what do I do..My oldest daughter moves in to pay my bills..roles reversed! UGH! Bad planning yes, but I survived- Met my beautiful husband in 99 and we married in 2000- He had planned better and made sure that he had life insurance so just in case I would have something..So fast forward, he died in 2010 while we we're on vacation- what is with these miles..humor helps. He left me a house, motor home, a truck, 2 cars and life insurance. and one 401K ( little money in there) and a garage full of stuff. I can't imagine having to work or take care of small or even teenagers and try to grieve. Is my grief any different, no, I hurt just as bad and in fact I hurt even worse- I had finally found the love of my life. I could care less that I have money at the moment, but will it last for ever NO., but for now Im ok. I have said in chat and I will say here, My heart goes out to all the women and men that have to struggle after losing their love one.

  13. Oh my goodness. That makes me so mad. My husband provided very well for me also and his daughters think I should just be "over it" and they want to come and take all his stuff. These girl 38 & 45 have never worked and never came to visit b/c they didn't like me. We would have been married 20 years on May 1st. He has been gone 4 months on the 24th of Feb

  14. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or judge you.
    Sending hugs from one who understands. Sandy

  15. Hopefully, if she continues to read your blog she will realize one day that your grief isn't very different from hers.

  16. I feel really sad for her because if she thinks money will help grief she is living in a make believe place. I am not well off and wonder how I am going to pay the bills, but if I have 10 million dollars right now I would still miss my husband moe than anything and that money would in no way help me to get him back so it would make no difference. The only thing that would be different is that I would not have to wonder about paying bills. I would be happily flat broke if I could have my husband back. Money means nothing. She is miserable and is mistakenly taking it out on you.

  17. When my husband was killed I had $10,000 in the bank. The funeral cost $6,000 and the plot another 4k. I worked part time and had a 12 y/o taking ballet, piano and playing soccer. I was stunned and reeling with grief, terror and a ghastly sort of numbness.
    Six weeks later the life insurance check came and guess what? I was still stunned, reeling with grief, terror and numbness.
    But honestly-it was a good thing to be able to continue to work part time, keep my daughter in her activities and not have to sell the house. Let's don't kid ourselves-it's better to have enough than not enough.

    Even so, let's not turn on ourselves. Being widowed is bad, being widowed young is bad, being widowed with kids is bad and being widowed and broke is bad. They are all f&*%ing awful. But most people get to be young, have kids and spend at least some time being broke. It is only we special few who get to be widowed. Only we understand what that is like. Only we really understand each other's paths as widows.

  18. My husband always used to say," Don't worry if something happens to me" since I would have life insurance. I used to hate when he would say that. Eight years later he died suddenly. I am grateful that he provided for me and our child but it doesn't make the grief any less. I hated having to cash the money. I would give it back in an instant to have him back again. Money DOES NOT buy you happiness. I am alone most of the time since my son is in college so would rather have my husband than money.

  19. thank God my husband and I were "savers." And he also took the time and forethought to have life insurance. I sometimes still have dreams he has come back, and my thinking goes something like, "oh, and we will have to give back the life insurance..." I do love those dreams! Thank you Janine for all your posts!

  20. Wow, hard to believe that "Anonymous" is a real widow, to be so judgmental and narrow minded. If you truly loved deeply - you grieve deeply and it has absolutely nothing to do with money. Janine, thank you for your posts and your honesty, so much of your post touches me and hits home. I often find that those that haven't walked in our shoes come out with the most ridiculous comments, they just don't know what real deep grief is, no clue what so ever.

  21. Seriously, some people just suck all the energy out of a peson. Just when I think I am feeling better, someone says something to me and it just make sink and sink further into the grieving process. I can't say that I am financially well off, but I am okay. This even makes me fell worse, because my husband had to die for me to pay off my home. It was suppose to be our time to work hard pay off our home and enjoy doing activities with our family. I would give up everything to have my husband home. I am an only child and all my life people have refered to me as being priviledged that my parents would help me out. WELL I WANT TO SEE HOW MANY OF THOSE PEOPLE WANT TO TRADE MY LIFE NOW. Money does not make things better, especially when you don't have your best friend to share that money with. I can't believe how people are so insensitive. If you don't have nothing nice to say don't say nothing at all.

  22. Thanks Janine. Love all your posts. You tell it like it is. We all struggle with our journey of grief weither rich or poor.

  23. I am sorry to hear someone is being an ass on your blog - I havent been reading the comments so I didnt know (though I did read P's message today - good for him!) :) I agree with you, you have been through far more than your "fair share" of terrible crap (if even there IS such a thing, which there probably isn't) since Jim's death. Ignore the haters... they will always be out there, insulting rather than understanding or empathizing, and judging someone else instead of looking at the plank in their own eye.... you are an amazing woman and have inspired so many people with your journey. Hang in there, I'm praying for you! Love you! W.

  24. I had a friend tell me shortly after I buried my husband that she sincerely wished she could "trade places" with me. You just can't make this kind of stuff up. She was leaving her husband of 23 years and I just buried my husband of 23 years. She actually said to me "at least you get to be financially secure now". I remember thinking "what????"..."seriously????"

    I'm not sure that she even realized that she was actually wishing someone dead by these statements. Someone she once loved, the father to her children. It completely baffles me.

    I will forever be grateful for the most awful check I ever had to cash. It did make things easier for me and it would be untruthful to say otherwise. It did not help with my grief or with the grieving process. It only paid the bills.

    Some people are just unbelievable.

  25. Wow!! My husband of 40 years was the saver and I was the spender, although being the spender meant that I shopped for the food, clothing, etc for the family. We both got educations and delayed having children until we could afford a house and did without in many ways in order to save for retirement. My husband so looked forward to retirement and lived a very healthy lifestyle, and then was diagnosed with cancer when he was 63 and was dead in 6 mos. So he never got to enjoy the retirement that he saved for. Now I've lost my retirement partner and have to find out how to live without him. We had so much invested into our relationship, that it is so daunting to start over. I have a comfortable income, and two homes, one a cabin on a lake that was our dream. I would have to guess that it is better not to have to struggle to pay the bills, but it is very painful to lose your long time partner and be completely alone. And I think the fact that I am comfortable financially is the result of prudent planning over the years, and that we both became educated so that we could get better jobs, etc. I'm thankful that I am financially comfortable and do not have that worry, and I know that this cannot be achieved by some due to circumstances beyond there control. God bless all of us, no matter our circumstances. Lets try not to be bitter, or envious, or judgmental of others, and just try to do the best we can in our own circumstances.

    1. I haven't checked in here in quite awhile...but sorry to hear you are being disrespected. I can so relate because my late husband was a physician. From the day I said "I do" it seemed I didn't have the right to complain about anything, nobody has sympathy for the stereotype "Doctors' Wife." It always got in the way, unless I spent time with my peers from the medical community who understood. People think we breathe rarefied air. It's probably a harder life than most people have in many ways, our husbands are not home that much and when they are, either sleep or want some space. Their career always comes before everything else, and that's just the way it is. We raise our kids, and take care of everything else, pretty much on our own. And yes, the money feels like blood money after the death. Don't apologize. I went to college because I wanted to learn, and started a career when my children were teens, not because I needed the money but because I wanted to help others. If people are willing to work hard, give up their time, and have a goal, they succeed. Those who don't have made their own choice, and seem to take it out on the rest of us. My husband was in school until his early 30's to become a surgeon, and it's grueling. We work hard for what we have.

  26. I have everything and yet I still have nothing !
    Thank you Janine

  27. I just stumbled onto this wife passed just three months ago. I am one of those husbands described by Anonymous in the above least my wife often said it felt like she needed to give me space when I got home late. I travelled alot and I was thankful for the opportunities life gave me. But I also worked very, very hard to create a nice life for my family. I've never thought of myself as rich...we never spent money lavishly. But I gave my wife nice things.

    The thing that I would like to say is that I did this for her! I did it all for my wife and family. If I was the one who left this world early I pray she wouldn't have thought of any of it a blood much of who I am and what I have become in life is because my wife loved me and believed in me. She was part of everything...including any success I managed to have in life.

    I think I cry more than the average guy. I'm smart enough not to stuff my emotions. I know I've got to figure out how to go from being sad to being grateful for the life I have enjoyed. I will get there....

    I just hope this short message helps someone.

    1. To Roger above, thanks so much for your post, you have helped me. I wrote the "anon above" post (Dr.'s wife). I am very sorry for your loss. I don't personally know any widowers, so it's always good to hear from a male perspective. Unfortunately, my husband lost his mental faculties the last three years of his life after cancers, surgeries, and chemos, so I never heard words about what he wanted from me. We had a long, happy, marriage in which we supported each other completely. I will try not to think of it as blood money. My best to you, take all of the time, space, and shed all of the tears you need to. Blessings.

    2. Roger - Thank you for your post. It is good to have your perspective. My husband was extremely hard working, generous and would say that I did a lot to help his success and make our business successful. Although I can't help but feel awful thinking of how hard he worked and now I am here left with
      "everything" yet - it all seems very meaningless. Sometimes it just seems like a huge responsibility. I am grateful - deeply grateful for the security. However, it is very hard to explain to people what it is like to have achieved so much success together only to find myself alone.Thank you for saying that - reminding us what they would want.
      If you cry more than the average guy - i hope it means that your grief will be lessened with time. Thanks again

  28. Thank you Anonymous....I think if your husbands could speak to you they would likely say the same thing I have. That you were their partners, supporters and cornerstones.

    I think most men work hard because the love their families....and I think most men who are enlightened enough to create solid careers are also enlightened about what it takes to create a strong marriage. My wife was every bit as responsible for our success as I was.....and she didn't work outside the home. But she made everything else run...and she believed in me....and I needed that to be successful.
    I just wish your husbands could tell you that.

  29. My husband used to say "I am worth more to you dead than alive", jokingly but I always got mad. The thought was unthinkable and of course it was never going to happen to us. I not only got some insurance money, I have his pension every month. Talk about living the life of Riley, right???? NOT....While the insurance money has provided me peace of mind and money to fall back on, I don't spend it if I don't have to, because I might "really" need it...I have an IRA but can't take anything out until I am 60 or so without penalty...and invested some in a guaranteed income per month after age my money is tied up and I may never even use it!!! My husband planned and I am so thankful I do not have to live with family or struggle to make a house payment. But like most widows, I would give it all back if only......

  30. When I literally stumbled onto this blog I found the widows here trying to find comfort in the live's their husband's hard work and planning had provided them. It struck a chord. Hard work and planning have probably defined my life as much as anything...and it helps me to find someone who appreciates/understands what those things mean.

    And I guess I thought I could help some of you who were having mixed emotions about the financial security your spouses left the primary money earner in my marriage I never felt my wife was any less responsible for any success we had in our life than me. Your husbands didn't do the things they did for themselves. I'm confident they did it for you. It makes me feel good to remind you of that.

    I'm 59 and not quite ready to "retire". I had planned on being able to do that at paid, insurance paid, no debt, enough money. That's not as appealing without a partner to share it with. I don't have a clear plan now....I'll figure it out as I go.

    All my best to you Anon...and to the other widows here.

    p.s. I think you can begin withdrawals from an IRA at 59 1/ security at 62 if your eligible.

    p.s.s. I hope I'm not taking this blog too far off topic. I realize it was about other things.

    p.s.s.s. I don't think I understand how this website is set it just blogs? do you just stumble around until you fine one?

  31. I've been looking into the social security. Actually, if you really want to you can apply for social security benefits as a widow at age 60. You will get reduced benefits, I think it's like 75% of the amount if you wait until full retirement age, which depends on the year you were born. If you wait until age 62, you can draw off of yourself, then at 65 switch to spouse, all depends on who was the larger wage earner. Another area to explore. Make an appointment with your local ss office and they can run the best scenario for you.

    Roger, in response to your question, designated writers post their thoughts here each day of the week. If you want to go into chat rooms, click on "widowed village" up on the top of the page.

    Thank you for your comments regarding financial security, I often feel so guilty that my husband is not around to enjoy the years of hard work he put in for us. I, too, am 59, and wondering what in the world am I going to do now that he is gone? Those golden years don't look so golden anymore.

    1. I was told by an attorney that a widow can take her husbands' full benefit at age 60, if she has not remarried. If anyone has heard differently, please let me know!

  32. It sounds like we are in about the same spot. I am convinced that I need to stay positive.....even though it is difficult (sometimes I think I'm kidding myself). But I think we decide whether we are happy....I know this will be a long journey. I'm not the same person I was a few months ago, but I also think I am still capable of finding meaning in life.

  33. There a reason so many people have commented on this subject.

    Money or no money, grief sucks. It's like comparing apples to oranges; grief has nothing to do with the amount of money one may have in the bank.

    Here is a new prospective on the subject: I have so much free time that I have more time to grieve, how sad for me. You are so busy with trying to struggle with everyday life you have no time to think about your grief. Oh how lucky for you. How silly is that?

    Thank you for your comments. They help us all heal a little.

  34. We are all here to be together. Not "widows with" and "widows without". Just widows. Together. No judgement.
    I love you, Janine. Keep on, keeping on, my friend. XOXOXO

  35. My husband died at the age of 38 from cancer and I am 36 years old.

    Fortunately, we both saved a lot and planned for the future so I am fine financially. I don't have to work but I went back to work 6 weeks after he died so I can still earn an income and take care of myself.

    I know that I am fortunate to not have to worry about money- there is no denying that.

    However, the future that we planned for, was OUR future. Now it is MY future and it is bleak. I would give EVERYTHING to have my husband back.

    Grief is not about money- it is about loss. Loss of the person you loved and loss of the life you had together.

    Anyone who thinks that money has something to do with it, is someone who must be pretty darn shallow.

  36. I'm sorry Irene. I know how much distress these comments can have on one's psyche.

    I too have had someone comment with incredibly nasty stuff on my blog. I'm glad this generated a great conversation, but my response to them is to click "delete" and move on. You have better things to worry about.

    Hugs, Abby

  37. Sorry Janine. I wrote Irene by mistake! Doh!

  38. I am a widow 8 years. I bless myself every day for the memories and good judgment my late husband expressed in life. He carried a small life insurance policy. I didn't have a good marriage, I had a great marriage. Wanting to spend more time as wife, I took early retirement from a job I worked more than 20 years in preparation for The Big Plan--Wait one year and a half for my husband to retire from his job; we were going to see the world--Italy, Costa Rica, find a place to live--something cost effective, less expensive, less taxes. Didn't happen. One year to the day I left my job, my husband was diagnosed with a catastrophic disease. Less than four months later he was dead--in my arms--it was our 16th wedding anniversary. My parents were dead, my two best girlfriends had died two years earlier, before I knew it, I was in a lawsuit--My husband's ex-wife sued me. Shortly after his death, my new best friend, the hospice nurse who cared for Ed, committed suicide; his sister died, and her husband, my brother-in-law, died. I know what it is to be alone, mourn, grieve, have to sell a home, move, twice!, make decisions, make mistakes, and live with them--I had to put a beloved dog to sleep to move forward.

    Being a widow is not for cissies.

    Eyes forward, head up, shoulders back, we bravely smile.

    I love you all. Especially the "Anonymous" widow. Imagine her pain. Imagine how desperately alone she feels. I commend every one of us for how we go about our lives after losing our beloved. I pray for all of us.

    Linda Della Donna

  39. I am a widow who has struggled financially. It has amazed me that I get very critical comments on my blog about how I haven't worked harder enough, or made better decisions, etc. to be in a better financial condition since my husband's death. I have great respect for all widows and widowers out there - it is too bad that there are those who criticize our circumstances.

  40. I am middle of the road. My husband did have a bit of life insurance but not any substantial amount and I have a well paying job so I can pay my bills and raise my children. I know all widows grieve but for other widows that don't know where the next meal for their children is coming from have this happening while grieving. In my opinion They are suffering way more than us, the financially stable ones. If I had this to be concerned about on top of what I am going through now...I don't know what I would do. This does not mean that I agree with anonymous' comments but I can see her point..