Thursday, February 16, 2012


I am going to start by apologizing that my post for today is so late. I'll admit that I am frazzled and busy. I can also tell you that I tried to post last night but after an unexplained computer shut-down, I was sceptical that my article had posted. So at 5 AM, I checked. No post. No post and I had to get up to get the kids ready for school and get myself ready for work. I felt like crying. Actually, I felt like swearing and crying. So I did. Started the day with tears and obscenities.
This is the reality for me lately. Over-stretched and trying to get as many things done as I can. Attempting to patch up things needing repair. Hoping to provide all my kid's need and desire. Trying to live as "everyone else" does....
But I am failing. I feel overwhelmed and on the verge of tears much of the time. I am living moment to moment and stumbling through life hoping that in the years after my kiddos finish their youth, they can say they had fun, happy, love-filled childhoods. But I truly don't feel like it is working.
My kids used to be homeschooled. I was a stay-at-home mom. We lived on organic and home-grown food. We did crafts and played in the mud. They had two parents to love and provide for them. They had someone to spell off the frazzled and tired parent.
Now, they attend public school. I often work hours after school and on weekends. At times, my kids have prepackaged food in their lunches. I no longer spend hours in the backyard with kids and chickens chasing each other through the mud as I can just imagine the laundry these types of activities will burden me with. At the end of the day/weekend/morning, I am beyond frustration and am a crabby/crazy/erratic parent. A lone parent.
I am now known by my children from my cries of "I am TRYING!!!! I only have TWO hands!"
I feel guilty and tired. I am wondering if this is just the life of parents in general? Or is this exhausting situation that does not seem to let up or alleviate in anyway a symptom of living/parenting/grieving after the death of a spouse?
Again, I apologize for the late post. I am sorry that I have let those of you who rely on a voice through this path to be here when you need it. Please....bear with me.


  1. You don't need to apologize...we've all been kind to yourself...that's the most important thing you can do right now...hoping for a peace filled evening for you !

  2. exactly. you are SO not alone is this feeling. I'm almost four years out and I totally relate to this post. It has gotten easier over time... simply because I have acknowledged that the 'old' life just isn't possible with one adult in the home. It took me a long time to realize and ACCEPT that I can't do it all.
    Married moms, or divorced moms, don't have a clue what it's like to be an ONLY parent.
    hang in there!
    and for the record....just recently, my kids have started buying school lunches EVERY day. I have given up on packing. I realized that the school lunches were probably better than what I was packing. hah!

  3. You are experiencing normal life for a single working mother of school kids. Cussing and crying are excellent coping skills! But you are right to carve out time for yourself with this blog. Perhaps your children can do more for themselves -- such as pack their own lunches? Time for you to re-set expectations for yourself and then hold a family meeting where you re-set boundaries and re-allocate responsibilities for your children. And yes, divorced mothers have it just as hard, they are still single-parenting, working, and coping with exactly the same things you are, all by themselves, and have the same 2 hands as everyone else.

    1. I didn't mean to belittle the responsibilites of divorced moms. I know it's a hard thing. I was just thinking about how divorced moms, that I know, are able to have some time 'off' while their kids are with the Dad....

  4. Ditto what Karen said. Big love to you.

  5. Jackie,
    I agree, no need to happens..let it go and move on. Yes, as parents we feel guilty and tired, you are doing all that you can, and succeeding. Don't try to to live as everyone else is doing, don't compare yourself to anyone else, live for you and your children. You are a one parent family, and although you may feel you are a failure, you are not in the eyes of your children, no matter what.
    Keep on keeping on, one day at a time. I know it's a struggle, we are struggling with you.

  6. I feel your pain, Jackie. I realized I have been saying, "I only have two hands" too much when my 4 year old starting saying it about himself when I ask him to do something!

  7. Gimassive HUGS coming to you.
    I was looked at in shock my H's teacher this week (he's 7). I explained that my kids have the responsibility of ensuring their homework is done, that their library books are returned on time and that they make sure to bring their swimming gear to school on the right days (I wash it, they pack it). She was gobsmacked and protested that they aren't old enough for such responsibility. I said they also weren't old enough to have buried their father - it's Just Me doing everything and I give them tasks they are capable of doing (and they do them ... but it still sucks to be the only parent trying to hold it all together).
    At any rate, I choose to see responsibility as character building - you forgot your togs, you miss swimming.... it only happens once and you learn to bring your togs. .... and so far, so good.

  8. Great post, any lone parent can relate to this!

  9. That is thr trouble with our society- kids use to be married alot younger than then we expect them to makr their own lunches!

  10. Jackie, hopefully the post allowed you to vent and air your frustrations, anger and pain. Fortunately, this is a place where everyone can relate. I agree with Anon above who reinforced you and told you that you are doing everything you can do. Your children love you unconditionally and even though they are small in size, I am sure they have huge hearts and can feel your love for them. You are succeeding!

    I am blessed that when my husband passed two years ago my children were 23 and 24. I am not struggling as much as younger widows. It is a road I cannot even imagine. However, my children only have one parent to confide in, consult with, vent to, and laugh with. Their dad was their career counselor, their friend, their mentor....and so much more. I understand divorced people have it tough, but at least children, in most cases, still have two parents. It is not always easy being the "only" parent.

    Hugs to you Jackie and thanks for fitting us in to your already crammed day!

  11. My kids were in their twenties when their dad died and it is still not easy when they have problems.A single parent is a lonely job.