Friday, February 3, 2012

A Week and Counting

Time marches on, and quickly!! It was only May when I got engaged, and the big day is coming up next week! I can hardly believe it. I make that statement with double meaning. I can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed since May, but it's more than that. I can hardly believe it.

I remember a time when I was convinced I'd never remarry. I loved Daniel more than anyone in the world (excluding Grayson :) and there was no way I would ever find someone like that again, much less allow them in. I wasn't even going to look. Dating? Maybe. I mean, I'm human so it wouldn't hurt to at least go out every once in a while, but long term? Forget it. Men are generally stupid and I'd already had the cream of the crop. Marriage? Forget about it. It would be a cold day in hell before that happened....well, it looks like the temps in Hades are dropping rapidly!

I think Carl slipped in when I had a rare moment of "guard down". I had decided I was interested in finding someone - I had arrived at the conclusion that I wanted someone in my life for real, not just a fun date. But, I had become the two date master. I could eliminate a guy in two dates (a couple of posers made it past my radar, but those are another story), and I had serious doubts that I'd find anyone 3rd date worthy.

Along came Carl. He charmed me with his easy humor, his fabulous smile, and his ability to talk to me about our bumpy past lives. He disarmed me completely and when I looked was date 3, and we were booking a trip to New Orleans...and he hadn't even kissed me yet! Seriously? When did he slip me the love potion!?? Fast forward a year, and Carl, on one knee, blew me away. I still don't think I've recovered from that romantic moment :)

Almost two years later, we have bought a house, and the big day is coming up fast. I can hardly believe it! Who knew this was possible? I think several of my friends wondered if I'd go this route and had serious doubts - much as I did. I didn't, and still don't think that "moving forward" after Daniel means finding a man. "Moving forward" means finding yourself again and building a new life for yourself. I moved forward - and buckets of tears and a few years later, I found myself. A stronger, harder, more cynical version of me, and also a softer, more sensitive, and more loving me... but still me.

Who would have thought that new me would end up counting the days until her wedding? Certainly not ME! ;-) A week away and counting....I can hardly believe it!!


  1. Congratulations! I am SO happy for you! You deserve this happiness. Wishing you many wonderful years together!!

    1. Ditto to that. So happy for you. I will be 74 next week so don't expect that to happen to me.

    2. The unexpected can happen....I am 67 and engaged to be married soon! I met him 3 months after my husband passed away....
      So glad for Michelle and Carl!

  2. Oh Michelle - this is beautiful! Congratulations! May every perfect moment find the two of you on your wedding day.

  3. Wow, that picture! My heart did a little jump to see such happiness in your faces.
    Thank you for a glimmer of hope.

  4. What hope you give us! But then again, you always have since I first started reading your posts. Congratulations!!! Well, that word does not say enough of what I hope your future brings to you. Only the best for you ALL...for the rest of your lives!!!

  5. Michelle and Carl - Best wishes to both of you and thank you, Michelle, for showing that when we are honest with ourselves, we can be open to opportunities we never thought possible.

  6. Mickie, we are so happy for you and Carl, Grayson and Kenna.

    I can share with you that my mom remarried after 9 years of being a widow and she says she never knew it could be this wonderful again. She totally didn't think she would ever remarry. Wonderful things to happen! I see life and much happiness in her again, and I have seen it in your for a long time! Congrats and we can't wait to share your special day with you!

  7. Soon to be 74 Anonymous, I feel the same way - I just turned 50, keep reminding myself that others have found each other at all ages after widowhood. My own father just turned 84 and he found someone at 80, that he has lived with for the past four years(they do not want to marry-but consider themselves as good as) Also while on vacation last year - was in elevator with an 80 year old couple on their honeymoon. More love is out there.

  8. Oh my friend, I am so happy for you .... for all 4 of you. You have been twice blessed. And having also been in that place where we could not stomach the thought of being with another man/woman, let alone stomach the thought, I was surprised when my new love "slipped in". And no, we don't move forward by finding a new love. In fact, I think it's impossible to move forward if we don't find ourselves first. Our new selves. And we are very new. I had to learn to be stronger than I ever imagined. I had to learn to be good with me ..... with my company (which had never really been a problem before ... I never minded being alone, but HAVING to be alone is something quite different), my thoughts, my decisions, my choices, my emotions and my actions. Meeting someone new is not a cure for grief. There is no cure. It is here and it will always be here in one fashion or another. I am growing stronger all of the time so that I learn to carry it easier, but I'll lose it. You, too, have grown stronger and stronger as you've become the new/after Michelle.
    I wish you the best for next week and for the years to come. You're going to make a beautiful family. See you soon!
    Love you. :)

  9. Congratulations Michelle!

    I know this post is probably not what many widows even want to read. But we're all at different stages. For the first 8 months I was sure the thought of someone else would repel me forever.
    After 14 months I removed my wedding ring.
    At 16 months I started just actually looking at other men - just out of curiousity.
    At 18 months I joined an online dating site. (I was very much overwhelmed by the thought of dating, and very underwhelmed by the steady stream of men appearing on my computer screen!)
    At almost 20 months I haven't gone out on a date and am still terrified of doing so, but feel a need to put myself out there.
    If I end up living the rest of my life alone - I would still be OK with that. But I no longer think that I MUST be alone for the rest of my life to honour Dave.

    Have a great upcoming week!

  10. Thanks for all the love, and thanks too for the support. I do know that where my life has headed is not what many widows, especially newer ones want to hope is that hearing about my path is positive to some. Thanks again for the support, it means a lot to me. Only you guys know how hard this road is and sharing this with you is really special. mwah!!! :)

  11. Michelle, today I have been having one of my worst days since I lost my beloved Gordon 16 months ago. In that time I've had a huge number of trials but at the moment it is a dispute with a builder over serious problems with my house. I came on to Widow's Voice in the hope that I would find some reason not to completely give up. Then I read your post. Thank you so much. I have been feeling that there is no hope for me because I can't even imagine being with another man after 38 years and here you are ( and all the other Comment writers ) offering me the hope that it could happen. I may find someone to share my life with again and not feel so very alone. Thanks again! I will be thinking of you both on your special day and sending love from Australia.

  12. Michelle: Oh best wishes to you both. It has been almost 6 years now since my husband, Bobby, passed away unexpectedly at home from a massive stroke. We got married at 19 and he was just 59 when he died. We were almost glued to each other. I have had one date in 6 yrs with a high school classmate. He lost his wife to leukemia a few yrs ago. It just wasn't right for me at all. I have no idea what is in store for me for the future -just have to wait and see. I still miss my husband everyday and when I look at his picture he still takes my breath away to this day ! However, you are so fortunate. God bless both of you and happy wedding !