I can't believe she's staying in that big house. Surely she'd be better to move to something smaller without all those memories.
I can't believe she won't write in that journal I gave her. She should write her memories down. You'd think she owes Greg that much. (I do write them down ... but not to share in that journal).
Why isn't she dating? She's too choosy if you ask me. She should find someone new and get over it already.
Did she just say she'd put her name on a dating site? Goodness me! Greg's not even been dead for 2 years. You'd think she'd show some respect.
She is too boring. She needs to lighten up a little and go out and have some fun.
I can't believe she left her kids with her parents so she could go out and party with her friends. She should put her kids first.
and my very favourite:
Greg would have wanted her to.....
Sound familiar?
Don't we all hate it when other people make judgements on our decisions when they don't understand the particular circumstances that lead us to those decisions?
Yet we all make them.....
That guy who cut you off in traffic - well he's an idiot who doesn't value his life.
That needy friend - well she doesn't have to deal with half of what I'm dealing with. Who is she to complain?
I've made them about other people and I'm not proud of that, but I usually try keep mine in my head and remember that it's not my place to judge someone else's life choices and decisions and point them out to everyone at every opportunity.
When a beautiful-but-troubled celebrity died this week, I was gobsmacked at the judgements on her lifestyle that flowed quick and fast. Assumptions were made about her death when ...as we well know .... the coroner wouldn't have even had a chance to establish a cause of death at that time. People forgot (or chose to ignore) that she was just a person underneath all the fame. A person subject to the same faults as the rest of us.
Nobody is perfect.
Nobody.
We are all fighting our own battles, doing the best we can on what we've got.
....and I'm going to try and remember that the next time a judgement about someone else's life choices reaches my lips.
AMEN! Great post Cassie. I couldn't have said it any better. I definitely have learned since my husband's death to be less judgemental about what others do or say. I can only one day to be treated the same. I get tired of defending my behavior, choices, decisions, etc. to family and some friends.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Thanks! (but Cassie posted yesterday - this one's from me - Amanda;)
DeleteThank you so much for this!!
ReplyDeleteHear! Hear! I've never had my actions more scrutinized or criticized in my entire life than I have since becoming a widow. Suddenly everyone knows exactly what my late husband would've wanted me to do, how I should behave, etc. And it's not just friends, acquaintances, etc., it's also been family - family has been some of the worst - but 3 1/2 years later, they've stopped judging me to my face, now they do it behind my back and refuse to discuss anything with me. I'm sure I've made some bad choices since I lost him, but I definitely didn't chose to be a widow!
ReplyDeletePeople will always judge the actions of others, there is nothing we can do about that, it is part of human nature. The one thing I do try to do though is to feel sorry for them. If they have so little in their lives that they have to try and judge mine, they are worth my pity.
ReplyDeleteSince being widowed I have been judged and all my actions and non actions have been subject to other peoples comments and judgements. I have learned that the only person I have to please is me and the judgemental people are now getting out of my life. They have found it hard to upset me as I now look at them and say "My life, my choices, my mistakes and my triumphs. If you can't support me the please don't pretend to be my friend." I have lost a few friends doing this, but then again I have gained more than I have lost - who needs those who's mission in life is to judge others by their own narrow minded standards. Shadowandcloud WV
Yes!
ReplyDeleteMaybe if we show less judgment to others and model that. They will look inside and see what it is they are also doing.
I don't let anyone tell me how to live my life now.
I know that this is it. I don't want to die being restrained by someone elses expectations and judgments.
Let live.
I'm at 20 months. I have to say that I don't know if anybody's judged, or is judging me or not? Nobody's said anything to my face anyway. People might say obtuse things to me out of ignorance, but not actual judgements.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe they are and I'm oblivious? (Which is entirely possible! Lol!)
Are people actually saying stuff to you guys directly to your face? I can't imagine my friends or family or even acquaintances doing that! (Really? Someone has the nerve to do that?)
I told one of my sister's 2 days ago that I was going on a blind date this coming weekend. She was thrilled and so excited for me! (I'm nervous as all get out, but that's another story.)
Yep Valerie - each of those quotes was something that has either been mentioned to me by the person who heard it or directly said to my face.
DeleteStuff said to my face is prefaced by the person saying they are "worried" about me, but really it's because they think they'd do better at this whole widowhood thing and I'm obviously making a complete hack of it!