Thursday, April 19, 2012

It could be worse

It could always be worse

...I could have lost my children, too.
...Jeremy could have suffered.
...he could have been much harder to find.
...he could have fallen farther from his stand and done more physical damage.
...he could have been doing something he did not enjoy when he died.
...the kids could have watched their daddy die. friends could have abandoned me.
...Jer and I could have not had a great week together, and a great day together before he died.
...Jer could have died before we found out he was having a son, before he chose a name for him.
...he could have died before I knew I was pregnant.
...he could have died the day Carter was born.
...he could have been driving when his heart stopped and killed someone else.
...I could not have the best friends in the world.
...I could have been forced to go back to work right away.
...I could be forced into staying in our house, a house we were not safe in, that Jeremy hated.
...I could be feeling God's abandonment instead of His constant interceding.
...I could have not seen Jer all day that day. We could have had lunch separately.
...we could have been in a horrible marriage. I could have resentment.
...I could be angry with Jer for leaving.
...the kids could have forgotten their daddy, or stopped talking about him.
...the kids could be older and felt his death in a much more tangible way.
...the kids could be younger and not have any memories of their daddy.
...I could not have a relationship with his wonderful family.
...his family could have forgotten about me after the funeral.
...I could have a different church family. I could have been forgotten in the crowd.
...I could have already forgotten what he smelled like.
...the trauma could have severely affected Carter in the womb.
...Jer could have had skeletons in his closet.
...the kids could have not been able to see him all day that day.
...our last words exchanged could have been something other than "I love you."

I'm trying to write out some of these things to remind myself to be thankful, for I know deep down I am blessed.


  1. I think it is good that you do this, but I must admit that sometimes I do the same thing, but my coulds are he could be with me now...I can't help but be gratefun, because I know it could be worse, but to be honest it does not stop me from missing him daily.

  2. Yes.
    I add - we might not have had the 14 months we had together. I just met someone whose husband died within ten days of his diagnosis of cancer. We had all of that time.
    Our last words were of love.
    I too feel blessed.

    Missing him and having gratitude can be in the same heart. I miss him every single day but I am so grateful for everything we had.

  3. Hope you don't mind.. I want to steal this idea for my blog. I need to write out this reminder too...

  4. perhaps the photo is supposed to be funny but it is offensive to anyone who has used or loved someone who uses a powerchair

  5. I have a similar list in my head. There are many things that I'm thankful for in what happened. I try hard, but ail often, to remind myself of this when I'm having a rough day. I like your idea of writing it down to refer to. Even in the pain, there are things we can be thankful for.