If you didn't wear your hair a certain way, or talk a certain way, or look a certain way, you most definitely had issues....at least with those that felt that following suit was the only way to live.
As you get older, you start to realize that your unique quirks make you who you are. That odd tendency or awkward birth mark become a thing of pride.
I've realized that the same goes with widow-hood.
In the beginning I had everyone and their dog trying to tell me what and how I needed to do things.
There were moments I felt that I had no choice but to please them.
But just like growing up, I started to realize that the things I wanted to do, the way I wanted to live, were not hindrances, but simply put...me.
Being different...unique...true to you....is the only way to go on this journey.
Those "birthmarks" of life are a beautiful thing if you just allow yourself to see it with new eyes. They are a thing of pride.
So live you.
Different.
Unique.
Questionable (to some or all).
But do you and as I've learned, you'll never be dissapointed or made to feel that you're the odd one out.
You won't regret it.
Wow!
ReplyDeleteWell - Here is unique.
I was happily married for over 30 years to an incredible man. We had a family, we were madly truly in love.
He died - too soon, we were not going to be able to live our forever and ever. As planned. As we always wanted.
Now - I am falling in love with a woman. Yes, a woman.
No - I am not a closeted lesbian! No< I was not closeted my whole life married to a man and "wishing" for anything else. We were monogamous and happily so.
I have always known i was bisexual. Something my husband always knew about.
Now - my greatest love is gone. No one will ever understand what that really means to me. Perhaps except the people here.
Do I know if this relationship blossoms what people will say and what they will think? You bet I do.
They will try to take my beautiful relationship and marriage and say it was a sham. Or that is what I thought. Till I expressed to one of my close friends this fear and she said something powerfully true :
"anyone who knew the two of you, who were in your presence together, who watched you laugh and love and cherish each other - would never say that. Anyone who would doesn't know a damn thing about you and so they don't matter at all!"
Our relationship was unique.
Our love was unique.
I am as well.
Thank you so much for the reminder.
Thank you Taryn.
ReplyDeleteGreat post to remind us our grief is as unique as we are and being true to our own way of healing honors SELF and our beloved partner. I read this quote recently and it fits on so many levels: "Quit trying to fit in when you were born to stick out!" Kudos to anonymous above for honoring herself and her new relationship, and to all who understand and live the grief path you know is right for you. And Taryn, I so much enjoy reading about your life of healing, you are an inspiration of uniqueness!
Thank you AnneMarie,
ReplyDeleteFunny going back and reading this. . . I have new love but it doesn't touch my grief. Today, Easter Sunday - all of my family here but my husbands absence was so huge I can barely type without sobbing. It still shocks my heart - to look around our home and not see him, his beautiful smile and hear his voice.
No matter what love comes my way - his absence changes the air I breathe.
Today - it sucked the life out of me, it took away the happiness of being with my children and grandchildren. It took my week of making "Easter" happen - and made it all seem meaningless.
His presence made everything greater and his absence takes away so much of the meaning for me because his joy multiplied my own.
I am so grateful for our life, our love and the family I have but the loneliness for him (despite being loved) is so large, if I look at it for more than a few seconds it is that wave that you fear will drown you.
My grief is unique. Our love was unique. I know we all feel that way. Because it was true.
Thank you for saying I was honoring myself. I don't know how else to be. This person is kind and loving and smart and caring. I am grateful and happy to know her and to be gifted with her love. I probably can't even love her back in the same depth. My heart will forever be broken in some way. However, I am honest about that.
I have to trust how i feel because it is the only thing that has brought me this far.
I appreciate your kind comments.
Anonymous, you are so welcome. Holidays are particularly difficult with so many memories and expectation. I have another good quote from one of Woody Allen's movies, "Tradition is the illusion of permanence." As so many others who have found new love (I have not) continually say, one cannot replace or stop loving the one you lost. Grief is life long no matter who else enters your life.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are planning to go to Camp Widow. If you have not been, it is an amazing, healing experience!!