Tuesday, July 31, 2012


The dark mark on the fence marks The Spot.

For a while now, I have been able to get through every day with only missing Greg and not get caught up in HOW he died.

But then up until recently, I avoided most of  the details on the HOW and limited myself to knowing the barest facts of the accident: Greg was the passenger; neither speed nor reckless driving was a factor; and he died instantly.


On Sunday, through a cruel twist of fate and an unholy bridge closure which meant I had find an alternative way home.

But while "following my nose" along half-remembered routes from a former job and a former abode, I was more intent on avoiding the aforementioned unholy traffic nightmare on the "closed for maintenance"  freeway and so the fact that I was fast approaching The Bad Place snuck up on me. 
As I stopped at the lights at the top of the hill (just around the bend at the top of the picture), I looked ahead and realised what lay 250m in front of me.
Thankfully the traffic was light and I turned down a side street and avoided it.

I have successfully managed to avoid being anywhere near The Bad Place ever since the accident.  Its not hard - it is half-way across town and on a road that I rarely ever used anyway.

But coming so close has really shaken me to the core ....  but it is done: I've now driven along the the road that Greg and J drove along seconds before they died.
Another first out of the way.

....and so I now process this next bit if grief that has been far too hard to even think about up until now. 

 I will be stronger for it.

Little steps.


  1. I understand. My husband was killed across town and in almost 3 years I have never come close to that area, avoid it at all costs and it's something I struggle with. I wouldn't/ couldn't see his body let alone see where he died. Thank you for sharing what many widows struggle with.

  2. I know how horrible this is, and I'm sorry this happened to you, too, Amanda. My husband was killed instantly in a car accident in Oklahoma when we were living in Utah. The man who was responsible was charged with Negligent Homicide, and I went to the court hearing 10 months later. A good friend came with me, and we had to drive past the scene of the wreck on the way to the courthouse. I didn't know the exact spot, but if was so painful to be there. I noticed how straight the road was - no excuse whatsoever for that stupid old man not to realize that traffic was stopped ahead of him. It was an interstate, and he didn't even brake. He was found guilty in court, but received only a small fine. After 3 years, I'm struggling to stop myself from writing him a letter to remind him of what he did, and tell him about the sad, lonely and angry life I have now. I don't want him to think, well, she's probably over it by now, to relieve his guilt. I wonder if he ever thinks about Allen. It's very hard for me to *not* think about how he died, especially when I'm on an interstate.

    1. I think about the girl who ran a red light and hit my Greg on his bicycle way more than I should. I cannot go by the place where he was killed without a pounding heart, knotted stomach or sweaty palms. So I mostly don't unless I can't avoid it. Who could i explain it to besides another widow? How brave of you. Thank you

  3. I understand completely how horrible that is, my husband was killed instantly in a car accident when we lived in Arizona. I avoided the highway for a long time, but finally had to drive past the place where it happened. I cried and was shaking the first time I drove that highway after he died there. I have moved to another state since then but I still remember how awful it was to have to drive that stretch of road.

  4. So true, my life is full of little baby steps even 35 months out, some things are just to difficult still....

  5. It took me over 2 years to drive past the hospital where my husband was taken, and the only reason I went was to bring my son to the ER....the same ER Tom was pronounced dead in.
    The hospital is very close to my home and I seriously drove out of my way t avoid it.
    So get it, so sorry for your loss.
    The bad place will always be the bad place, until it isn't.

  6. Yesterday morning I had a CAT scan in the same machine and room my husband died in almost 2 years ago. It kept telling me when to hold my breath. Good thing you can cry thru that test.