Saturday, October 19, 2013


How many things do we deny.

Deny ourselves to feel, grasp, understand, embrace.

Deny out of fear. Injustice. Pain. Feeling.

Yet there is a simple truth that we all innately know, yet somehow try to veer ourselves away from.

In one small word..One opposite....


For it is only when we don't deny the reality of something, that we can respond to it.

When Michael died, I did every thing I could to deny it. Whether it be never leaving my house to staying stuck in my bubble of grief. Yet, it was once I finally accepted that I was a widow...his widow...that change occurred within me.

Difficult, nonetheless. But necessary.

We all have hopes to make the world (even if only our world), a better place. A place that is left better than it was than when we entered it. And yet, a world that is impossible to reach until we take the first step in paving this necessary journey. Accepting. Embracing. Not Denying.


For the better.

Sometimes tougher.

But a life worth living.


  1. I like that thought of "his" widow.. rather than "just" widow. for some reason, I find comfort in that.

  2. I was struck by the "his widow" too...I even smiled to myself...
    This denial thing is what i keep coming back to as I want what was, back so much....I miss my John's EVERYTHING...even our stupid little disagreements ....after almost 18 months I still think I am having a nightmare and when I wake up all will be ok...and when I will wake up I will hold onto John and I will never let him go...
    I just don't wake up.
    I know I never will.
    As the nightmare is my reality and I don't want it.