There's someone I've been neglecting for the past 3.5 years.
She is strong, but has infrequent, spectacular meltdowns due to the ....(there is no word to describe this but widows know the feeling) .... of it all.
She loves hard, but falls hard.
She picks herself back up again, dusts herself off and keeps going.
She takes every sling and arrow personally .... yet never backs away from fighting for something she believes in.
.
.
.
School has been out for a week and there are still a few days of holidays to go before we head into the insane final term of the year. Its a reporting term. With a fete thrown in for good measure. I know I will need something extra to get myself through to December....
So this week, I have been looking after me.
I've been eating right and walking lots.
I've been indulging my passion for photography.
I've been dog sitting and remember what fun it is to have a dog.
I bought myself the first non-work clothes I've had in the past 3.5 years.
I've listened to music I like .. Ed Sheeran, Passenger, Kate Miller- Heidke.....
I've read books and watched movies.
I decided that I can no longer cope with all of the housework and have just hired a cleaning lady to help me once a fortnight (oh the luxury!).
I've even found time to go out for a meal with a friend without the children.
Maybe its Spring talking, but life feels full of possibilities.
and that feeling is amazing.
I know that I am riding the crest of a wave, but maybe I can surf this one for a little while longer and the next trough won't be so deep.
yes!
ReplyDeleteAnd I second you on the cleaning lady. Amen.
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this entry today! One of my college sorority sisters (who lost her husband five years ago in a biking accident) has three children and she told me recently that 3.5 years out was the worst time for her because she realized she had neglected herself while meeting the needs of her children and everything else that comes with being a widow.
I lost my husband when he passed away suddenly from a Pulmonary Embolism almost 18 months ago. We have two daughters (ages 20 and 16) who keep busy with school and outside activities (along with a dog and a cat)!
I also work as a technical writer so I feel like I'm always trying to catch up at home with all the responsibilities that my husband used to do. Luckily we have great neighbors with teenage boys who mow our grass regularly and my parents live nearby so they help us out too.
The feelings of grief still come in waves, but I have made an effort to have dinner with friends from high school and college, attend a few events and meetings that interest me, watch the new TV shows, and also expand my blog and twitter writing.
I have also started attending the new fall session of the GriefShare Program at a local church. There are about 20 people there and several of them have lost their spouses in the last 4-6 months. So at these meetings are other people who are going through the same things.
Thanks again for sharing!
I'm 14 months out and just hired my daughter to clean my house every other week. she needed some money and I just couldn't do the house and finish other projects. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one getting cleaning help. She has only come once, but I got so much other stuff cleaned out after my house was so nice and clean. I was feeling so guilty. Glad to hear this! thanks for the post.
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