Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Who knows?

When I met Greg, it was at a housewarming party for mutual friends.
He danced with me, brought me drinks, held my hand and at the end of the night, he walked me to my car and kissed me softly.

Years later, we could remember exactly where we were standing when we first clapped eyes on each other.

It was love at first sight.

It was perfect after feeling rather "meh" about previous boyfriends.  I knew I hadn't loved any of them even when I was with them, but as soon as I met Greg, something in me shifted.

That love was so deep that it changed my soul. 

...and something I always appreciated was that I was never in any doubt as to his intentions: he liked me. A lot.
From the first meeting.
.... and he let me know in no uncertain terms. 
That made it really easy for me to tell him I loved him within 6 weeks of meeting him.
...and we fell deeper in love each day after

....and then 17 years later, he died.

But our love didn't.

I've spent every day since his death desperately in love with a dead man.....which, as we all know,  is both beautiful and frustrating at the same time.

It has taken more then 3 years but I finally felt ready to dip a toe into the proverbial waters again. 
For real this time. 
I am ready to find someone new even if I will never let go the love I have for Greg.

....and recently I met someone who has made me sit up and think "hey - this one is nice".

But its not been the same immediate, tumbling-fall into love.

In fact, its nothing more than a new friend:  a pen friend.

But talking to a male who is single (widowed) and clever and  who gets me is ..... alright. 
Its good actually.  
It is slow and steady with lots of words over a long distance.
I look forward to his nightly emails and I enjoy talking about my day ... my ideas ... with someone who is actually interested in what I have to say.

Maybe it will fizzle out, but maybe it will continue.  Who knows?
But whatever happens, knowing that I have made a new friend is a good feeling.... and that's enough for now.

..... the woman inside me has sat up and started paying attention again.


  1. Amanda, I sooooooooo get this!!!! After 3.5 years, I am ready to let the woman in me be loved and love, despite being in love with a dead man. Sounds so odd, but it is so true.

    So happy that you have found someone who cares about YOU!!! Good luck with this man!

  2. Amanda.
    Your love for and with Greg sounds amazing!

    Friends tried to set me up at about 16 months. I flat out said Nope.
    Then after a few more months they asked again. Initially I said OK, and after a sleepless night I said Nope. Again.
    But it got me thinking. And then after yet a few more months somebody else asked to set me up and I agreed.
    It finally seemed OK even though it hadn’t even been 2 years.
    (And it’s a good thing friends wanted to set me up, or I’d never likely put myself out there.)

    So, I’ve been dating this man for 1 1/2 yrs and it’s been good.
    It’s been wonderful having a companion again. And somebody to bounce ideas off of, and somebody who cares that I made it home OK.
    It’s not the same, however. It wasn’t really love at first sight. (More like lust at first sight actually. Lol!)
    I just keep trying to remind myself that building a relationship with history takes years.
    One of the (many) things I miss is remembering and reminiscing about things from my(our) past. And obviously I’m never going to have that again with anybody else.
    And so it takes time to get to even a fraction of that point with somebody else – where you actually have a past! Together.

    Anyway. Good luck to you and your new friend!

  3. NICE! You give me hope. Congratulations to at the very least, a new friend!

  4. Reading the comments I took this totally different. I saw this as finding a good friend, not a future love.
    After 28 years of marriage my wife died and I've recently started dating. One person I communicated with via email, then phone calls for two to three hours at a time. We seemed to have so much in common and the hours would speed by when we were talking. Then we met. No spark, not heart to heart connection. Nothing.
    We still talk a couple times a week for two or three hours at a time. We also get together in the city, about a three hour drive for each of us, her from the south me from the north. We explore restaurants and have a weekend of gab. She's a widow and sometimes we talk about our spouses, sometimes we talk about the people we've meet through on line dating services. Our talk ranges all over.
    We have become very good friends and a part of me wonders why there isn't that spark, because we do have so much that we both just get. But for now, and maybe a long time, we remain friends and cheer each other up when needed or just gab about whatever takes our fancy.

    1. I think that's great, Paul. Even if there's never any spark, you've gained a wonderful friendship and you both get each other. I, too, found that with a man whose wife died shortly before my husband did. We've talked and written over the past 5 years, and have met in person once. The distance wasn't something that he wanted to work with, so we've remained only friends. But he was my first widowed friend and I still love our emails.
      I hope that we'll both always have these people as our friends. Good friends are hard to find ... and keep.

    2. Paul, I understand all about that "spark." My husband and I met on a Friday night and were together from that night until the night he died of a heart attack beside me. We had that spark immediately. We felt as if we were married from the second day. We were two halves of a whole from the beginning. God blessed us and it was if we had known each other in prior lives. I don't expect to ever find that instant bonding ever again. I've been told how fortunate I was to have found the love of my life because many never do. Friendship between a man and a woman is great. For whatever reason, many in our society always think that a relationship between a man and a woman has to be more. I don't think so. Men and women can be really good friends and nothing more. There is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. Enjoy your friendship with or without a spark.

  5. So happy for any widow who finds someone. It's extremely rare. I'm running out of hope... Oh I know, it hasn't been that long for me (2 1/2 years) but I know the odds are so against it. So many congrats to you and many happy years... You are amongst the lucky.