Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The lost art of flirting

... well lost to me anyway.

The last time I did "flirting" (without knowing that the flirtee was already very interested - ie Greg), I was in possession of a rather hot 22 year old body, flawless skin and a geeky naivete that was somehow attractive (who knew?).
In other words, the most flirting I did was glancing in the direction of someone I fancied .... and smiling. After that it wasn't me who was trying to do the impressing.

Now?  Well I *think* I am doing it, but I honestly have no idea whether I am or not.

 I am finding flirting very tricky.

What do modern flirters do?

Apparently taking the piss out of someone (gently) over dodgy taste in tv shows is NOT considered flirting anymore. 
That's my whole schtick now. 
I do the witty come backs. 
I do the friendly sarcasm. (Watching every season of Gilmore Girls can do that to anyone).
 Because funny is sexy .... right? 


I don't do mani-pedis and I don't do games.
I don't go for a hot body anymore; I go for a cool brain.
I go for intelligent conversation and a good sense of humour.
I go for kindness and compassion.
I go for someone who can make me smile and who is good at cuddling on the lounge and watching dodgy tv shows.
(I think I just described Dara Ó Briain -funny and cuddly.  Also, he's already married so that is another thing I don't do: married men). 

This flirting thing is tricky.

Looking at the good news though ... did anyone notice I just wrote an Entire Post on flirting?  
A year ago, the thought of flirting was equivalent to stabbing myself in the eye, repeatedly.  With a knitting needle.  
Must mean I am starting to get my act together!


  1. Congrats Amanda on not wanting to stab a knitting needle in your eye!

    Yes! If only we had our current wisdom with our twenty year old bodies. THAT would be a superpower.
    But currently my only superpower is sarcasm and I’m not sure how attractive that is.

    Also, don’t knock a good mani-pedi, and throw in a massage once in a while!

  2. I did notice you just wrote a whole post on flirting!
    (Awkward in a thousand ways, still, I go on. - lao tsu, I think.)

  3. Not sure how to flirt! lol havent had to do it in 30 years! Now that my husband has passed away (2yrs & 8 months) I realize I will always love him but I do know I miss having a mate & dont want to be alone. I love being in a relationship but it is so scary in your 50's especially if you have to flirt! The little devil on the shoulder says no dont you are older, heavier and men you age want younger women while the angel on the other shoulder says you are beautiful, love life & are fun, if they only knew what they are missing! So, that being said, I tried to approach someone I was attracted to & flirted, looked great, laughed & even mentioned if he would like to have coffee to call me! Well, needless to say I have never received a call & I probably wont step out of the box next time. They will have to flirt with me!

  4. Flirting from a clueless man's perspective.
    My wife was my first and only love for 30 years. Not sure I would even recognize flirting. I started seeing a widow a year ago and we became good friends. Occasionally we would meet up in the city to do restaurants, art galleries, and just gab. Same hotel, but different rooms. At one point I unthinkingly told her that I wish that I felt some passion for her, as she is the only one that I can spend so much time on the phone with or in person with and not get bored.
    It is only after that love and passion finally blossomed that she said she thought I was the one a while ago and she patiently waited for my heart to change.
    So was it flirting to share interests and talk for hours about plays, books, musicals, cats, and food? Or must flirting always be the casual touch, the coy look, or accident stumble where I have to catch you?
    Maybe what constitutes flirting changes as we age. When we are young it's all about hormones, now its more about shared experiences.

  5. It is so good to read your post about "normal" life!! Flirting?!? Oh. My. I have no doubt that you will just get better and better at it, and will find a like minded man to share time with. Dodgy tv shows and all....you're the best!

  6. Amanda, what a great post. Like you and others, I too, border on scarcism as my way of flirting. After 32 years with the same man, it is what it is. At least, I have thrown myself out there,..... the good, bad and ugly of me!!

    To Jul, been there... done it.... and felt the same. But once I recovered from the knock out and waited around for awhile for the man to make the advance, I tried again and will continue until I find that guy.

    If you are ready to date, stay in the ring everyone!

  7. I have enjoyed your post on flirting and I too, do not have a clue! But waht I find most interesting in addition to the post is all the comments about "sarcasm".....I have found sarcasm to be a part of me now. Why is that? Or maybe it is cynicism. As widows, we now know for sure that things don't go as planned and they everything is certainly NOT ok anymore or that things will work out. While all of those three statements can be said, that there is a "new" plan (who wants it?", that everything is going to be ok (qualify "ok") or that things will work out - (they will, but at a horrific cost to self and others).....is that what creates the cynicism/sarcasm? I feel like I have such a tainted view of life now that I have experienced death in such an intimate way. Boo.

  8. I started online dating in the last couple weeks, a year and 7 months after losing my world and my man. It's been a roller coast. At first I was excited when an attractive fellow messaged me. I followed it with witty banter, and back and forth, so it went. I even met up with a few guys for coffee. I thought everything was cruisin' by, and I even felt like I was "doing it right". Then the weekend came, I settled down, and the wave of grief and missing came crashing over me. I was high on the adrenaline of my newfound dating, and then real life set in and the realization that my man isn' here, and will never be. And that's the saddest thing ever. I realize there is nothing I can do about that, just honour who I am and who he was, and I pick myself up off my bed, or the floor, wash my face, drink and cup of tea and keep going- because that's what we do. Best of luck to those who are dipping their toes, or jumping right into the dating waters- we are hot, sexy, wise women! (and don't forget to breathe:)