Sunday, December 1, 2013

"And Then.." Part 2


Well friends.. my time has come.

I am retiring from widow’s voice.

Today is my last blog.

I've been thinking about quitting for a couple of months now. I couldn't figure out why I wanted to quit something that has always brought me such relief and peace.

While talking to a friend about not writing anymore, he said “The Melinda I knew a year ago was a widow. Being a widow was your identity and made you who you were. The Melinda I know now has been widowed but is not a widow. It no longer defines you.”

Ah ha. It clicked. After the three year anniversary of my husband’s suicide I made major changes. Not changes that I actually went out and did. It just happened slowly, piece by piece, over time inside of me, slowly changing me.. suddenly I was no longer a widow. Being widowed happened to me but it did not consume me and my everyday life anymore.

A year ago I honestly thought being widowed would kill me. I was in so much pain I didn’t understand how I kept waking up every day. I now have days that are rough, they can be sharp, but they don’t leave me completely useless. I can cry and grieve and move on with my day.. the rough days no longer destroy my day. I can now sit with my grief.. and move on.

While I will always be widowed and it will always hurt, I will always miss my best friend.. but I am moving forward and finding peace. I don’t live in the horrible memories of my husband’s final days and his suicide.

I was honestly a little upset and scared to tell Michele that I was retiring.. especially because I couldn't quite figure out why I felt it was time to retire. She said I love the transitioning of writers on our blog, because it means we are healing. And that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.

She is right. I wrote to heal. I told my story to heal. I told my story to get it out of my soul. Now I am healing.

For that I will always be thankful for Michele and Soaring Spirits. Thank you guys for allowing me a place to write and to heal. Thank you for believing in me and believing my story would make a difference.

I will miss my readers.. but please remember that if I can walk out of this and heal.. so can you. 

Being widowed will not always identify you.

With that I am off to work on my “And then..”

Let me introduce the new Sunday writer, Sarah Treanor -
Sarah is an artist and writer out of south-central Texas. She lost her fiancé on June 12, 2012 at the age of 29. He was a helicopter pilot who had just finished flight school and landed his dream job as a commercial pilot. While on a contract, he was riding along with another pilot when they hit power lines and crashed. He was killed instantly.
Two months after his death, she quit her job as a designer, left the city, and moved to the country to stay with his family and focus on healing. With a fire to continue in his footsteps and live her own dreams, she is now devoting much of her time to her art and writing – including recording her journey and their life together on her blog She has said that no amount of pain is a match for her fire to live life as an adventure - the way they did - and she wants to inspire others who have endured loss to do the same.

Welcome Sarah!


  1. Thank you Melinda for taking the time to reach out to so many others by your posts here.

  2. Melinda, I'll really miss your writing, my husband died from suicide in July, 6 weeks after our wedding, and your words have really helped me. I'm glad to hear that you're doing well though, it gives me hope. Rebecca xo

  3. So glad for you, Melinda. Taking time to tell your story can not only be healing for you, but for all of us that read your words. One thing I have learned over the past several years is that it takes each of us as long as it takes to waddle thru the grief and want to live again. Thank you for sharing your story, and good luck in your "And then...".

  4. I love you Melinda, and I love your writing and your pure genuine honesty about living with suicide. Im sooo happy to have met you in person, and hope we meet up again very soon. As for Sarah, she is a friend of mine and I love her dearly, and her writing is beautiful and pure as well. Her story will resonate with many, and she is the perfect person to step into this next phase , as you step out. I cant wait to hear about pieces of your "...and then". Love you girl!

  5. Thank you for your honest and open writing which i have found strength in .i am stuck in a constant loop of grief and guilt for three years. Your writing gave me hope. May you continue to grow and find peace and beauty in the future.

  6. Dearest Melinda, you have shared your insights, hopes, dreams, sadness, shock, etc. At such a young age, you have inspired this 55 year old widow to believe. I wish you all the best and send my heartfelt gratitude for taking your precious time to help my travels become a little less painful!