Thursday, November 12, 2009

five weeks

5 weeks ago


things were perfect.

healthy, happy family.

11 minutes after 3:00pm

on that same day,

my world

fell apart.

since then,

lots of sadness.

lots of happiness.

but mostly sadness.



has really

fucked me up.

people keep asking,

“how are you coping?”

multiple answers:

“i just am.”

“by talking to people.”

“the kindness of strangers”

“by writing.”



“i’m not.”

i think the last answer is most

accurate, but

i’ve also used music

to get me through.

i’ve been listening

(almost constantly)


let it be

since picking up

the ‘mats

reissues after


service last saturday.

the words below

resonate with me…

stolen almost word-for-word,

(but adapted for my own purposes),

from “answering machine”

’cause westerberg describes

the emptiness better

than i can…

how do you say,”i miss you” to no one?

how do you say “good night” to no one?

how do you say “i’m lonely” to no one?

i only wish


could hear me.

i know she can’t.


i talk to madeline.

she doesn’t understand

a word that i say.

which is fine,

’cause most of what

i have to say

doesn’t make a whole

lof of sense

these days.


madeline can hear my voice

and that’s all

that matters.

1 comment:

  1. It's been slightly over one hundred days and it still stinks!

    I've replayed all the events of that day again and again in attempt to make the ending change somehow. But it never does. I've asked all the questions, but the answers never follow.

    I want to fall apart, yet, like you, I am a parent. Parents can't fall apart. (But I want to sometimes.)

    Hang in there and remember to breathe, even when it's hard. It's the only thing we can do.