Wednesday, November 4, 2009
It's a Matter of Perspective ....
I was talking to someone the other day about the change in my perspective on things. Many things have changed in my life and in my mind since December 18, 2007. The biggest thing that has changed is my sense of fear. It seems that I don't have one. I wonder if it will come back? I think that I've suffered the worst loss a human can suffer .... half of myself ripped away, so I don't fear going through anything else.
Not even, and especially, death.
Not many people get that, but I know that each of you does.
It doesn't mean that I sit around planning my demise .... I don't.
It also doesn't mean that I don't enjoy life now ..... I do -- a lot of the time.
But I have such an amazing sense of peace when I think about leaving this earth ... about finally reaching my final destination, which I believe is heaven.
At first I wanted to go there because I know Jim is there.
Now it's not even that. It's going somewhere that will be oh, so much better than anything I can imagine here.
It's knowing that this is not the end but only a temporary stop.
It's knowing that everything can change in the blink of an eye.
It's knowing that love is not something to be wasted .... not for one second.
It's a calmness and a waiting.
And learning to live again while I wait.
It's taken me a while, but I am slowly learning to wait ... and to live again.
At least it seems to me that it's taken a while.
I guess it's all in your perspective.
Posted by Janine at 4:30 AM