Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Giving Thanks ....
.... is not something easily done on this path of widowhood, is it?
I have plenty of reasons to not be thankful ... and we all know what the biggest one is, as I continue my march toward the second year of his death. This Season is difficult enough for each of us, but for those who's spouse died during this time of the year it can be excrutiating.
But, as I have said before, there are so very many negative and crippling things on this path, that it's nice to sometimes stop and notice what's good.
So today I will focus on what I am thankful for. It's a bit difficult because I am spending this holiday in the home where Jim grew up. I know that the memories and the grief will slam into me several times over the next few days.
But I will try to focus on what is good .... even though this week will be mostly "matter over mind".
I am thankful that I had Jim for as long as I did. Even if I were able to go back and live this life again, knowing how it would end, I'd choose it all over again. If he is the only love I will ever have in my life, his love will have been enough.
I'm thankful that I have 6 healthy and relatively happy children (how happy are teenage boys anyway?). I'm thankful for the father that they have and the example he set for them, especially for my sons.
I'm thankful for my family. I love each one of them, even though I don't always express it or call often enough .... and hope they know how very much they are loved.
I'm thankful for my friends. I would not be here today if it were not for the love, support and time that they've all given to me over the past 23 months. I love each one for the special things she or he did and/or said. Even the friends who are far away, and those who aren't in my life as much anymore. Each one has left a fingerprint on my heart.
I am thankful for the other men and women on this path. Each one I've met, whether in person or on line, as been such a source of support and strength and comfort to me. I know that I am not alone, nor am I crazy for feeling the way I feel. I know that I am understood .... sometimes without even having to speak.
And most importantly, I am thankful for my God. He was with me before I knew Jim and He's with me still .... even though I don't always feel Him. My head knowledge has been able to pull my heart along on this path some days (months).
I could go on and on .... which, now that I think of it .... is a very good thing.
I will refrain from saying "Happy Thanksgiving" and will instead wish that your Thursday is as good as it possibly can be.
Posted by Janine at 12:45 AM