Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I Didn't Sign Up For This .....

... but then, neither did you, right?
It's been one of those weeks ... and it's not even half way over yet!
I am totally sick of being a single parent. I'm tired of having to do all of this on my own when I really don't know what the hell I'm doing a lot of the time. Teenage boys?? That was supposed to be Jim's job. I handled the girls and their problems and we made it through their teenage years (granted, they were pretty easy teenagers) but this is a whole different experience. Jim was supposed to be here for the times when I feel out of control, when I don't know what the answer is to make my son want to study and pass a class, when I feel like screaming .... or when I am the one being screamed at. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
And I hate it.
I hate doing this alone.
Sometimes ..... and I'm going to be totally honest here - because I know I can ..... sometimes, I feel like Jim took the easy way out.
Does that make me horrible? I don't think so.
I think it makes me human.
A human being who, like you, did not sign up for this life.
But a human being who will keep putting one foot in front of the other and will keep looking for the good in a day.
Even on the days I hate.


  1. Although every widow has to face their trials, it seems that yours are multiplied due to the variables connected to 6 children who look to you for so much. That doesn't even begin to address the matter of teenage sons, one of whom challenges you often.
    God give you peace and joy.

  2. Janine:

    No, you are not horrible! As a Christian, I always say, my husband got the better end of the deal.

    Much love and hope your trip will give you some peace, rest, and a little escape.


  3. I just got done saying the same thing... and I only have two kids!!! xoxo

  4. I feel ya. I KNOW he got the easy way out! What makes it worse for me is I can't even get mad at him for not being here!

    Instead the frustration and anger turn inwards. Instead I probably just need to go break a plate.