You poised to help, not knowing what to do.
Me, on the other side, wanting help, not knowing what to ask for.
Art’s presence has been with me all day.
I just stood in my kitchen crying.
Pallas looking on, hugging me.
"This is so hard." I said
'I miss him too, Mommy." she said.
And I want dinner delivered tonight… food that I would feed them.
And I want my kids fed and washed and put to bed… the way I put them to bed.
And I want the bills paid…the way I pay them
And I want someone to take away his music. I want to hear nothing.
And I want someone to take away his clothes, his everything.
If I can get to the nothing, the longing will go away. The hope that, maybe this time, when I walk into our bedroom, he’ll be there bald and laughing, will disappear.
I want to erase all this.
It won’t hurt if it’s gone.