Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What Do You Need?

(Me, Andrea, and Kim at the Rock and Roll Half Marathon on Sunday)

In a recent conversation with a friend about my interest in ever dating again, I was asked the following question: "You are so strong and so independent, do you ever really need someone else? You don't seem to need anyone for anything." It actually started a month long internal dialogue with myself that hasn't quite been resolved.

What do I need? I'm not sure what the answer to that question is right now. I can more easily define what I miss. I miss the feeling of "coming home" when I would see Daniel after a day at work. I miss knowing that out of everyone in the world, he'd choose to be with me, day after day after day. I miss feeling "known" - inside and out. I miss knowing him in that way and being linked in heart and mind. I miss being a part of a team with a common goal. I miss Team Dippel.

I've read the statistics that say people who were happily married are more likely to remarry after losing a spouse. I'd agree this seems logical. I know how fun and happy a truly great marriage can be. I'm not opposed to going that way sometime in the future. I will say though that my standard for what is good enough seems to be impossibly high. I'm not sure if it is artificially high. Am I trying to make it impossible for anyone to be a part of my life? Or have I just not met anyone who meets the standard? I guess we may never know. When it is right for me, it will be right for me.

What do I need right now? I need to thank my friends for helping me redefine what is home for me. I'm not even close to finished, but it gets a little more clear every day. Thanks to my wonderful friends, like Kim and Andrea above (and many others who didn't run with us on Sunday), who are running this very personal race with me, and trying to understand my various twists, turns, bumps in the road, back tracking, stops to stretch, etc. I appreciate you all being on my team.

Happy Tuesday - Michelle D.


  1. I miss that feeling too - having someone to really feel at home with who loves you in spite of all your faults.

  2. I miss that I had it and then lost it all before we made a "home" that was our own.

  3. I miss my husband too. He left this world in a hurry 42 days ago. Now I feel very vulnerable since I don't have anybody to lean on. I was strong when he was still here because I know he will always be there for me. Now, I have to face the world alone. Please continue writing to inspire the others who are in the same situation.

  4. I miss being married to my late wife but I can't really say I miss being married per se. Maybe I'll feel differently in a few more years.

  5. You might find that your standard is simply falling in love again, and having that love returned. As far as I am concerned, no one will ever be good enough for Michelle Rogers Dippel...unless of course, she decides they are.