Sunday, February 28, 2010



I don't remember how Art kissed.

I remember how it felt.

Warm, sensual, desired, sexy, girly, vixenish, delightful.

When the connection was right, our kissing opened a door

that lead to ....

I kissed a guy last night.

He's not the first one that I have kissed

but last time, back in the earlier months I kissed for and

with the need to connect, to feel a male body intently intent on my own.

I kissed back then to shoo away the loneliness, the loss and to carry in the idea that I was still human, desirable and wanted, even in the craziness of grief.
I kissed back then to fill a need that, as a woman, is not "polite" to express.

I kissed to see if I could wihout tears.

Last night I kissed to engage.

I know now that I'm desirable

I know now that I'm "catch."

That power changes the way I kiss.

I kissed him coyly.

I kissed him knowing firmly where I will draw the line.

I kissed this man to see if I liked the way he kissed. (I did)

I kissed him with delight and adventure and exploration.

When I kissed him,

warmth came, vixen appeared briefly.


too far away to see.

I laid in his arms and it was pleasing to me.

As I crawled into my bed last night,

I'm still lonely.

And I'm confident.

it's completely bearable.

I can wait.

I can do this kid/life thing on my own if I have to and we will be better than OK.

The grief has settled (FOR THE MOMENT ONLY)

and what is leaves in its wake is patience and clarity.

Art and I had a unique, strong relationship.

Now, on the cusp of 46 yr old, I take all that (and my wrinkled belly and droopy boobs) and march out to find a new relationship.

As a different Kim (with a wrinkled belly, droppy boob and an ass that won't stay up no matter how many butt exersises I do.)

This new confidence?
I am not sure it was worth his death.

But it's darn nice result of it!

Here's to a lot more kissing!

1 comment:

  1. My truest love has been dead for so long (2001), and I have learned how to live again for the most part, but I have not learned how to love again. I wish I could even articulate what it is like for me to be too afraid anymore to even dream that kind of connection with a man is possible at this point, or at any future point, in my life. It makes me sad, but at the same time, I feel freedom and relief.