Monday, February 8, 2010

Saying Yes

As a parent, I have often found saying NO to be easier than saying YES. Over the years I have made a conscious effort to consider the questions my kids ask me before I blurt out a negative response. Many times I realize that the reason I say NO is that I don't want to take the time to weigh the pros and cons of the request. I will confess that there have been more than a few times that I have squashed one of my children's earnest pleas with a backhanded motion that means absolutely not...and then found myself in their room an hour later apologizing and reconsidering.

After Phil died I noticed that this pattern of saying NO off handedly applied not only to parenting questions, but I began to see the tendency popping up in my daily life. When asked out to dinner with friends...I could think of one hundred excuses for not joining the fun. I might avoid a party, a luncheon, a baby shower, birthdays, graduations--you name a social situation and I can assure you I found a way to avoid it. But more than the lack of desire to participate in all things social, was my complete disdain for life in general. I said No because it was easier than putting out the effort that saying YES would require. Saying No was taking over my life. And I didn't care all that much.

With some prodding, encouraging, begging, and a bit of blatant ordering my friends and family helped me emerge from the cocoon that I so frequently used to hide from the outside world. The first few months after Phil's accident actively participating in life was impossible; grief paralyzed me initially. Then I just didn't feel like having fun; depression began to sink in with the reality that Phil wasn't coming home. After some time I stepped out a bit, and learned that I was capable of enjoying life, just a little. Finally I took the leap and opened up my world... I began to say YES.

Saying YES to life has brought me countless gifts; most unexpected, many impossible to imagine four years ago, and all of them sweeter as a result of my personal experience with death, and the mighty aftermath that follows.

But death is not strong enough to keep me from living. And so, I took the leap and said YES, once again.


  1. OMG, are you engaged? That is major news. If so, CONGRATULATIONS! That gives me hope that maybe someday I will be blessed too. That is nowhere on my radar right now. I personally am still in the NO period of life and am currently trying to claw my way out of a "down" period, hopefully not depressed. Wow, that is great:)

  2. Congratualations! I've got one of those too! and I know how happy you are!!
    I am soooo happy for you!
    Gotta go, my guy just drove up...we are going to pick up our wedding bands that were sized...

  3. Congratulations, Michele!!!!! Such exciting, wonderful news!! So happy for you. =)

  4. That post gave me chills! So happy for you, but you already know that :)

  5. Thank you to all my widowed friends...your warm wishes mean so much to me. I promise that I will be blogging my way through the experience of being an engaged widow!

  6. Ahhhh, congratulations!!!! The ring in gorgeous!! Happy planning!

  7. loving that ring :-) Ohhhhhh I am SOOOOOOOOO happy for you xxxx