Monday, February 8, 2010

Saying Yes

As a parent, I have often found saying NO to be easier than saying YES. Over the years I have made a conscious effort to consider the questions my kids ask me before I blurt out a negative response. Many times I realize that the reason I say NO is that I don't want to take the time to weigh the pros and cons of the request. I will confess that there have been more than a few times that I have squashed one of my children's earnest pleas with a backhanded motion that means absolutely not...and then found myself in their room an hour later apologizing and reconsidering.

After Phil died I noticed that this pattern of saying NO off handedly applied not only to parenting questions, but I began to see the tendency popping up in my daily life. When asked out to dinner with friends...I could think of one hundred excuses for not joining the fun. I might avoid a party, a luncheon, a baby shower, birthdays, graduations--you name a social situation and I can assure you I found a way to avoid it. But more than the lack of desire to participate in all things social, was my complete disdain for life in general. I said No because it was easier than putting out the effort that saying YES would require. Saying No was taking over my life. And I didn't care all that much.

With some prodding, encouraging, begging, and a bit of blatant ordering my friends and family helped me emerge from the cocoon that I so frequently used to hide from the outside world. The first few months after Phil's accident actively participating in life was impossible; grief paralyzed me initially. Then I just didn't feel like having fun; depression began to sink in with the reality that Phil wasn't coming home. After some time I stepped out a bit, and learned that I was capable of enjoying life, just a little. Finally I took the leap and opened up my world... I began to say YES.

Saying YES to life has brought me countless gifts; most unexpected, many impossible to imagine four years ago, and all of them sweeter as a result of my personal experience with death, and the mighty aftermath that follows.

But death is not strong enough to keep me from living. And so, I took the leap and said YES, once again.

10 comments:

  1. OMG, are you engaged? That is major news. If so, CONGRATULATIONS! That gives me hope that maybe someday I will be blessed too. That is nowhere on my radar right now. I personally am still in the NO period of life and am currently trying to claw my way out of a "down" period, hopefully not depressed. Wow, that is great:)

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  2. Congratualations! I've got one of those too! and I know how happy you are!!
    I am soooo happy for you!
    Gotta go, my guy just drove up...we are going to pick up our wedding bands that were sized...

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  3. Congratulations, Michele!!!!! Such exciting, wonderful news!! So happy for you. =)

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  4. That post gave me chills! So happy for you, but you already know that :)

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  5. Thank you to all my widowed friends...your warm wishes mean so much to me. I promise that I will be blogging my way through the experience of being an engaged widow!

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  6. Ahhhh, congratulations!!!! The ring in gorgeous!! Happy planning!

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  7. loving that ring :-) Ohhhhhh I am SOOOOOOOOO happy for you xxxx

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