Wednesday, June 2, 2010
It Should Have Been ......
.... our 27th anniversary.
It should have been.
Instead, it was the day our oldest child/daughter graduated from graduate school.
And I was with her.
It should have been us.
But it wasn't.
It was just me.
I get tired of it being just me.
Every big day.
Every "first day of ...."
Every "last day of ...."
Yes, these days/events are getting easier for me.
Yes, I cry a whole lot less now.
Yes, that horrifying pain is no longer with me every day.
No, he doesn't occupy every thought now.
No, I don't wake up every morning thinking that he's dead.
No, I don't wish that I were dead now.
Nothing has changed in the last 2 years.
And yet many things have.
He's still dead.
But I am healing.
I'll always be scarred.
I'll never be the same.
But I will be OK.
More than OK.
And every single year when May 28th rolls around I will think .......
.... "It should have been ...."
Posted by Janine at 2:34 AM