Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Moving Forward ....

.... is different from moving on.
Moving on implies forgetting what is past.
Moving forward is more difficult. It involves carrying the past with you while you walk forward one step at a time. Never forgetting, but continuing to breathe and live.
Some days I can accomplish this.
Some days I can't.
Some days the past feels too heavy to carry with me.
But I'm getting there.

I'm not gonna lie .... the 2nd year anniversary was hard.
I really, really didn't want to get out of bed.
I was supposed to play tennis but had a good friend that stepped in for me when I called to say I couldn't.
Instead I went with another friend to see a movie.
It seemed that I was more in the mood to escape from reality for a few hours.
And the movie did the job.
For a few hours.

But ..... the date is gone and I survived.
I am now well past that date of two years. Who would've thought?
Not me.
No way.

There were many days when I really didn't think I'd survive the week, let alone the months and years.
But here I am .... still breathing. Still walking.
Most days.

I am blessed.
I am thankful.
Most days.

I am thought of.
I am loved.
Every day.

And I thank God for the rest of you out there, those I've met and those I have yet to meet, who are with me on this road.
I thank Him for the way we all support each other and the way we "get it" .... with words, or just with hugs (real & virtual).
I cannot imagine having to walk this road alone.

Thank you .... each one of you .... for encouraging others through your pain.
It's quite an amazing community.


  1. I try to remember to defer to the "forward" as opposed to the "on", but honestly, it's just a word game to me.

    And I am beginning to wonder just what is meant when the talk turns to those who "get it" and those who "don't" because even though I was widowed - there are a lot of things about the state of being that is "widowhood" and the so-called process of grieving that simply never made sense to me or was part of my reality.

    That said, moving - however you want to term it, on or foward, is hard regardless of why we are pushed to do it.

  2. This explains it all perfectly!! As you thank us, I thank you for continuing to write honestly, through the pain. HUGS AND LOVE!!! :)

  3. I was just talking to a fellow widster about this the other day, how thankful I am that there are people who "get it" when no one else can. I haven't met many widsters in my short journey as of yet, but it seems all those I have we have this instant connection and for that I am sooo grateful. Very well put and definitely gives me hope that I, too, can continue on even passed the two year mark some day. HUGE HUGS!

  4. Beautifully written! I lost my husband suddenly on 3/8/2010 after 28 yrs of marriage. I live everyday wondering if I will survive. Thank you for giving us the gift of hope.

  5. We all do survive somehow. I think about how my husband would want me to live and I try to remember that when I get particularly down. I lost him suddenly after being married 35 years. It is so lonely at times and I am coming up on the 2nd anniversary of his death. I am thankful for all my friends and people who have kept him in their hearts and we remember him all the time. It is a hard road and I do not know yet where it will lead me.