Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Father's Day

It was Father's Day last Sunday.

Why is it that the days before every celebration day are worse than the actual day itself?

For the past 2.5 years, I've worked myself into a state of despondency in the days before birthdays, Easter, Christmas,  mother's day or father's day, and of course, the sadiversary, only to be OK-ish on the day itself.  Good even.

...and so it was this time.

Of course, there were some annoyances - I was annoyed that H's teacher had made things that clearly stated "Dad" on them and H insisted on filling it in because "that's what everyone else was doing".  ...except of course for the other child in his class whose father died in 2010. (Meanwhile, I was mindful that I have a first-timer for a fatherless father's day in my classroom and we chatted about what *she* wanted to do over what I'd had organised for the rest of the class.)

But  this time, THIS father's day,  I had a bit of a plan to get through the day.....

When I discovered that the kitchy solar light the kids had put on the grave back in March had been removed (by whom, we don't know), I had plans to replace it with another (named) one.  .....and as father's day drew near, it seemed be a fitting activity for a day that would be sad anyway.

So out we trotted to the cemetery ... only to have a middle-aged man splash a beer onto the ground right next to us as we were hammering the little lamp-stands into the ground, so we got to sit with stinky beer annoying the ants two graves over...... shortly followed by a middle-aged woman who Went Out Of Her Way to Step On Greg's Grave because apparently the entire 5 acre lawn plot was so small she had no other way to walk to her family's grave.O.o
(People are RUDE..... add that to the "annoyances"list ...... but then again, I realise that while I can't choose who occupies the neighbouring graves, I can choose who to put a curse on ..... so WIN!  That's my black sense of humour btw - I don't actually go around cursing people).

Anyway, after that, we went out for pancakes and milkshakes which made everything OK .... almost celebratory.  ...and then dinner at Mum and Dad's which was both delicious and accompanied by good humour.

....only to have to drive past a very recent car accident on the way home.
We sat at the traffic lights for a full 3 minutes, waiting for the  light to change, while the children stared, wide-eyed, at the fire engine, tow trucks, ambulances and wondered aloud whether anybody had been killed; debating whether the doors of the T-boned car were destroyed so badly that the occupant would have died on impact.

Meanwhile silent tears slipped down my cheeks and prayers to that God I don't believe in, left my lips. I fervently hoped that the person driving the car was able to go home to their father ... or that the father driving the car was able to go home to his children.

I really hope he did: Happy Father's Day.


  1. no kids should know to wonder that. Man that stinks.

    And, I want to live closer so I can be the thug running interference for you at any cemetery or other event. I can be a really good poorly chained guard dog. Ha - bodyguard to the bereaved.

  2. Sometimes the best laid plans go awry, we all know that. Good for you for carrying on at the cemetery. I'm right behind Megan in backing you up.

  3. I just love you Amanda, and the way you soldier on determined to make it through the next step. You CAN do it, I believe in you. xoxo (and curses? sorta awesome ;)

  4. Amanda, I wanted to thank you specifically for the picture you included in this blog. My husband passed away almost 6 months ago and I have not yet come to a decision on burying his remains. I like the way this picture shows you all coming into touch with your husband in a joint space, with the personal objects all around. This photo helped me to realize that my 3 sons and I need a common place to feel Sean's presence. Since your posting I have made another visit to the local cemetery and this time I actually met with the groundskeeper and looked at specific plots. There is a beautiful area at the edge of a forest, overlooking a canyon. I will bring my boys there to recruit their opinion and hopefully to choose a specific plot. I know in my heart now that this is the right choice for us...thank you for helping me along this pathway.

    1. I'm glad I was of help. Although, in truth, this plot was chosen hurriedly.... It was raining the day Greg's brother and I went out to the cemetery to choose a plot (the same rain that wet the road that killed Greg). The woman in charge was quite callous and thoughtless as she blithely said that they had to move someone's burial from the first plot she showed us because it was flooded the day they went to dig the hole. Reluctantly, she showed us another plot on a lawn on top of the hill .... and for the few minutes we stood at that plot, the sun came out and shone brightly. At the time the choice was between the sodden plot in ankle-deep water or dry plot on the top of the hill ..... and it was only later that I saw that the plot on the top of the hill had a nice view, nearby trees and was in "Lawn 11"..... (The number 11 is my favourite number). I think I was led to the right plot in the end, and I hope you *know* when you've found the right spot. XXA