Saturday, September 29, 2012
Last night I lost the world, and gained the universe.”
― C. JoyBell C.
I always hated when people pronounced that I needed to do so...
And still kind of do :)
But as I sit here in a sea of cardboard boxes...2 months after the flood. 2 months away from all material things I've accumulated over the last 26 years.
It hit me.
As sifting through the million shirts of Michael and myself..the million little things that have no direct connection to him or I, but I held on to...it was than that I realized that I had to let go....
Not of him...not of our eternal love and how in love with him I still am....not of that damn smile that still gives me the warm fuzzies...
Letting go is letting go of the life I expected us to have...the one I unconsciously didn't realize I was holding onto through some material things that don't embody who and what we are....
Letting go is embracing the life we live now, on different plains, but still together.
Embracing the fact that moving his clothes out of my closet into one of his own (minus those warm sweaters i love to wear in the winter and that hell of a sexy uniform he filled out so well) isn't letting go of him....that donating some items (okay....one shirt) that he wouldn't give a fuck about will never take away from all that we always will be.
I've let go of the rock in my hands that consisted of all that was supposed to be...I let it go in order to embrace the life here in front of me...the life carrying so many gifts from him and from myself once I allowed myself to free up my hands to grab them...
So let go...it isn't this horrible phrase consisting of forgetting those you love more than yourself...it allows you to love them even more and grasp the immense amount of love still out there.
Thank you, flood. Thank you, baby. It feels good to let go of all of the what could have been's...and hug onto the what will be's....my heart fills fuller and my eyes feel clearer...my mind feels free in knowing that the now is all I need.