Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Never alone

It had to happen sooner or later.

Time alone.
A sad song on the radio.
Nobody to see me (or keep me occupied).

....and I just miss him.

I miss him with every part of me.
I stand in the kitchen and grip the bench as I remember standing in the same spot, held in his embrace
 ....remembering back to when I knew I was loved.

...and the tears start rolling.
More than that.
The sobs shake out of me.

...and I cry like I haven't cried in months.

I've held it together for so long that the sobs become uncontrollable: the floodgates released.

I cry for all the things that I've lost and I cry for the crappy hand I've been dealt.  I dissolve into self-pity and the "why-me"s.

After a while, I drag myself outside into the garden.
My happy place.

...and I see an envelope sticking out of the mail box.

and inside was this....

Divine timing.

It was like a hug from beyond.

...and I know I am not alone.

Thank you Michele.
I can't tell you how much this helped me today.



  1. Wow! Those moments where someone's thoughtfulness can save you. Oh, how I wish more people knew that.
    The moments where a kind word, a note in the mailbox, a voice mail message can save you from the worse kind of descending hell.

    Your description of the "just missing him" - I can so relate. That is how it happens when I just want to bring him back in simple ways. The hug, the sharing the newspaper at end of day, holding hands walking down the street, tucked under his arm at bedtime talking.

    I will always remember those people whose kindness saved me from despair. I vow to do the same for others who have lost loved ones. We need each other, it is so good to be reminded of that.
    Peace Amanda

  2. Those moments, oh yes. I have never cried like I have cried since Danny died. I stand at the kitchen sink and I can feel his arms around me saying " love ya babe" I say " love you morely", then the challenge is one..who loves more...lol..The cards you received are a lifesavor, I have handed so many out. Share with others, they need to know we all care and GET IT.

  3. Oh, Amanda...my heart is reaching out to yours across the huge ocean that divides us. Synchronicity takes my breath away.

  4. Thank god for that synchronicity, our departed spouses, our widda sisters and brothas from another mother, and Michele and the SSLF. =)


  5. Michelle you are an angel. You can know that - your one note did that.

  6. I thank God everyday for Michelle and this blog! It helped me to survive so many times. It really help me to know I am not alone!