Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Hell week

So this week of the third sadiversary was always going to be bad.
But it  was BAD.

I think we would have been OK but for the weather.  We have been drenched in over 200mm of rainfall (8 inches) in the past week.
Roads were flooded (not ours) and the problem of ground water seeping into my house (that I spent thousands fixing two years ago) resurfaced.

The day itself was sombre - my 8yo son H sobbed all the way to the cemetery then didn't want to leave.  K (10yo) flew into hysterics at the drop of a hat.  I bossed everyone around.

My head went back to that first day of knowing.  I NEEDED to be at the cemetery at the exact time of his death..... but  after a rough night and waking late, I knew it wasn't going to happen.  So I stressed.  So everybody else fed on the stress.

We had planned a lunch at a local cafe.  I wasn't hungry and ordered food I couldn't eat when I should have caved to the day and ordered hot, salty chips with tomato sauce instead of the salad I ordered.   With a chocolate milk.  Or had pancakes and hot chocolate like the kids.

Then it started raining.
and raining.
 And it didn't stop.

...and the water came in.

...and I swept and swept and swept and then swept some more.

....and I broke.

...and then a 10 year old girl told me she loved me.

....and she picked up a broom and started sweeping out water.

....and I knew we would be OK.  ....together.
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  1. Oh Amanda, some days just really are too hard. I am glad it is over, and I hope the rain has stopped and the water goes away. We have had a really snowy, cloudy February and it has made me feel much worse. The days the sun shines I feel so much more hopeful.. My girls (almost 4 yrs old) are starting to try to comfort me when I am down (unless I am mad because of something they did). It does help, even though I wish they didn't need to.

  2. Thinking of you and the kids and sending hope across the water.

  3. Amanda, you are so incredibly brave and you probably don't even know it!!!! My third death anniversary is 3/8 and I have been down this whole week. But the difference between you and me and many other young widows is that my kids are in their mid-twenties. As hard as my life is at times, I can't imagine raising children by myself.

    You deserve to cry and scream and pound your first and just announce to the world that this SUCKS!

    I am glad the day is behind you and hope for much sunny skies especially to warm your heart and the hearts of your young precious children!

    Thanks for sharing!

  4. If I lived near you, I'd be there to help you get thru! My heart goes out to you and your kids. Stay strong, we're all here for you! I don't know what I'd do without this group of people who truly care and wish they could be there to make it better.