So this week of the third sadiversary was always going to be bad.
But it was BAD.
I think we would have been OK but for the weather. We have been drenched in over 200mm of rainfall (8 inches) in the past week.
Roads were flooded (not ours) and the problem of ground water seeping into my house (that I spent thousands fixing two years ago) resurfaced.
The day itself was sombre - my 8yo son H sobbed all the way to the cemetery then didn't want to leave. K (10yo) flew into hysterics at the drop of a hat. I bossed everyone around.
My head went back to that first day of knowing. I NEEDED to be at the cemetery at the exact time of his death..... but after a rough night and waking late, I knew it wasn't going to happen. So I stressed. So everybody else fed on the stress.
We had planned a lunch at a local cafe. I wasn't hungry and ordered food I couldn't eat when I should have caved to the day and ordered hot, salty chips with tomato sauce instead of the salad I ordered. With a chocolate milk. Or had pancakes and hot chocolate like the kids.
Then it started raining.
And it didn't stop.
...and the water came in.
...and I swept and swept and swept and then swept some more.
....and I broke.
...and then a 10 year old girl told me she loved me.
....and she picked up a broom and started sweeping out water.
....and I knew we would be OK. ....together.