“How can the future be molded
with hands full of baggage labeled
“What Was” and “What Could’ve Been?”
Where can you go with all that stuff,
and how much fun will you have with it
when you get there?
Leave those bags behind,
and hope they stay lost
before you get to your next destination.
All right, take a few souvenirs if you must,
but just nice stuff. No junk.”
-Michael Rawls
with hands full of baggage labeled
“What Was” and “What Could’ve Been?”
Where can you go with all that stuff,
and how much fun will you have with it
when you get there?
Leave those bags behind,
and hope they stay lost
before you get to your next destination.
All right, take a few souvenirs if you must,
but just nice stuff. No junk.”
-Michael Rawls
This is a year of actually loving the lost "bags" of what used to torment me. The bags of dreams unfulfilled, life loathed and seeking answers to the questions that had none.
I set them down a while back, but had those residual thoughts of going back and grabbing them.
"I'll need them some time later!" "I forgot something inside one that I need to get back!" "Baggage needs company!"
And the list goes on to times where the ego tried to tell me that it would starve without the unchangeable circumstances and 'could-have-beens'.
But not this time.
I took the souvenirs; the love, the memory of his smile and confidence in me, the parts of me that I have had from the beginning of time...
And I've left some room in my pocket for the wisdom and attributes I'm curating to take along for the journey.
The journey to the fulfilling and amazing life of "What is"... "What will be".
Wow, I like this; I hear in my head and heart the questions, "could it be? could this be true for me someday? how could it ever be?" Thank you for the encouragement and for communicating how in keeping souvenirs you honor the love that was and move forward to what is.
ReplyDeletethanks for your comment, too Mjay! that's pretty much the state of things here, too. maybe more than i've dared think. still some days i hear, "what's the reason for my still being here? what's the point?"
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - I agree, I have those questions too - ALOT! Purposelessness. My kids are grown, with 2 of 3 living out of state; my guy was my purpose and I LOVED being Mrs. Martin K with all my heart. Now I don't have a clue who I am and what I'm to be doing - let alone all the other grief and loss stuff that prevails! I know I am moving forward a wee bit - but somehow feel that I am just getting used to being sad and managing it better. There is no spark, no joy, and I"m pretty miserable. But for me, we had a solid foundation of faith and while it's taken a nosedive on the outside; inside I know my foundation is still solid, I'm just upside down right now. Because of that I have a glimmer of hope most of the time. But as time goes by (2 years) I more and more want out of this pain!!! Somethings gotta give.......I'm tired of being miserable and so lost. Trusting God to reveal to me, what is the point and why am I here, when the love of my life is not?
DeleteTough stuff, Mjay. I'm right there with you with 'my guy was my purpose'. Be open to the little signs, be curious, investigate things that cross your path. Last July I was reading a widow's blog posted in Widowed Village and she linked it to her blogspot blog, so I clicked that link to see what else she had written. As I scrolled down her page, I saw a blog badge for Brave Girls Club. I could have just passed it by, but it caught my eye so I clicked on it. The changes that one little click have made in my life are remarkable. It's helped me to realize I DO still have a purpose, alone, just me. I hope you find your purpose, too.
ReplyDeleteCan you link the Brave Girl's Club? I can't seem to find it. (((hugs))) to you all and for this blog and for WV!
ReplyDelete