|Source - Thanks to my facebook friends for always posting things that I love.|
Sunday, March 24, 2013
I remember telling my husband “time moves way too fast. Life is flying by. I just want everything to slow down!”
Time came to a screeching halt on July 27th, 2010.
After my husband died, time stood still.
It still does today.
Time moves so slow now. This winter has been horribly long. I swear it's been winter for 2 years now. The days, weeks and months feel like decades. I’ll be at work, pounding away on my keyboard, almost completely done with my work, and I’ll look at the time. I do a double take every time... usually I have only been at work for 2 hours. Feels like I have put a whole 8 hours in, plus some. Yet, I still have 6 hours to go.
With coming up on the 3 year anniversary, I have been thinking a lot about time.
It doesn't feel like it’s (almost) been 3 years. It feels like it’s been a million years.
In fact, the day he died, feels like it happened in a past life. There is no way that at 32 years old, I have been alive long enough for that to happen in this life.
Time has become an illusion. Some days I feel like I have lost my mind. My internal clock is broken. I check the time over and over. Check the calendar over and over. Thinking I have missed a year somewhere. I lose track of the months and years, because it feels like they have already happened.
I have cursed time. Cursed myself for wishing that time would slow down.
It feels like it will be a billion years before I will see my husband again.
That thought alone is devastating. How do I live the rest of my life in slow motion?
Just yesterday, I was on my hands and knees, crawling past the 31 month anniversary. Today I stood up, wiped off my bloody knees and hands, and suddenly the 32 month is staring me in the face. I can still turn around and see the 31 month mark, now I can see the 32 month mark at the same time.
Where did March go?
For the first time in 32 months, a month has flown by.
And it feels fabulous.
I want life and time to speed up. I want the days and nights to not be so damn long.
I want the 3 year anniversary to fly by.
I don’t want the upcoming months to drag. I just want to get the 3 year anniversary done and over with.
I want my days and weeks to fly by.
I want my normal, fast paced life, back.
So I write...
I am sorry about what I said. You are more than welcome to speed up now.
I am ready for it.