Thursday, October 9, 2014
I've been writing here for nearly six months now and even though there are days I have trouble figuring out what to share...days I don't want to write anything at all...I think that is to be expected, considering the subject matter, and that I'm not alone in this. I've not yet had the pleasure of meeting the other six widows posting here. I hope to, very much, one day. I feel connected to them, that we share a similar pain and understanding, even given our different particulars and places on the planet...I also do feel connected to the frequent commenters, as well as the many readers I know are out there who simply find solace in what we write here, by themselves, in their own way....and I just want to say I am very thankful for this.
Last week my grief therapist called...unless there's a schedule change there's not usually a need for her to call me, so I was surprised to receive her voicemail. Another widow had been seeing her and mentioned she had found Widow's Voice online and had been reading our posts; she isn't here much longer, on her way back to California to be with her daughter, but while she was here she wondered if anyone knew me, to get in touch. We had lunch this week, and I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to have met her and shared our stories. To share a long hug and the unspoken understanding of what it means to belong to our terrible club, even though we'd only just met.
I am always keen to connect with another widow. It usually means instant camaraderie. No matter how different we are as people, no matter how far apart we reside, having lost our spouse means we can relate. Terrible as that is...I am finding it is also deeply supportive to have that understanding given the awful shock we've been through. To be able to tell each other's stories, to listen and commiserate and really get the pain and the troubles we face now in our lives without our mates. I note that Kerryl posted this week too about how much it helped to spend time with another widow...that we feel less alone in our experience, and I quite agree.
I haven't had the chance yet to attend Camp Widow but I see what a uniquely special gift it is to have that chance to meet, in real time, in real life. I am grateful this organization is available for those of us wishing for this opportunity.
It doesn't matter what else we have going on in our strange "new" realities without our loved one. Some of us might be still feeling very homebound and reeling; some of us might be dealing with financial or family issues; some of us might have found new life paths or even new relationships....but no matter what, we all miss our spouses. No matter what, so many of us still want to cling to the old life...we still long to experience the world with the ones we married and pledged to love and honor 'til death.
'Til death. Who knew it would come so soon.
I am so profoundly grateful for the beautiful widowed people who have come across my path since Mike died. They have made all the difference for me. I hope and wish we all will continue to share, and connect, and cry together, and heal together.
Thanks for being there...all of you.