What does one do with that energy? What does one do when you know that the man you loved more than life itself is no longer around to receive that energy? What do you do at night when your hand reaches to the space beside you and there is only the chill of nothingness to meet your touch?
Emptiness. Missing-ness. Space. How many words are there to describe this grief and what it does to your mind and spirit and heart? I've not only run out of words, it exhausts me trying to define this gaping chasm of...him.
I miss his kisses. He was an amazing kisser. His hand placed just so behind my head or clasping my chin as he lowered his lips to mine. Early in our marriage I read an article about conscious kissing and making them last at 30 seconds and ours usually lasted longer than that. I miss the excitement of his kisses and where it would most often lead.
I'm struggling with words this week. So instead I studied pictures of our times together. 24 years worth of love. And I'm sharing them with you because I know all of you get it. You know what I mean when I say I miss him more than any language can illustrate. Pictures say it best~
"I miss him more than any language can illustrate." Yes. It is so very frustrating not to be able to explain to those who ask exactly how I feel without him. Somehow I need to but I can't even explain it to myself, because there are NO WORDS. Frustrating. And so sad.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, Alison. Marianne
And so many hugs back to you, Marianne-they help, coming from someone who understands~
DeleteYou can certainly see the love in the photos!
ReplyDeleteThere isn't one picture of us over 24 years where we aren't touching in some way. I miss that dreadfully~
DeleteI completely understand this..the ache is indescribable.
ReplyDeletemy left hand
ReplyDelete"My body starving for my husband." Expressing exactly what I have been feeling for the last 2 1/2 years. I find myself halfway across the bed searching for his warmth on these cool nights. I ache to be HELD.
ReplyDeleteNot hugged, I can get hugs from anyone. HELD. Cherished. I miss his very essence that mere longing cannot describe.
Oh, you are so, so correct in that! It's more than the hugs-it's about being held, and how I miss that.
DeleteSending love to you over the miles as I travel~
alison
Hello , Allison Miller, your pictures tell your story..Love...24 yrs.. U had.. Oh I do get it.. 34 yrs here.. A million pictures of he an I adorn my sanctuary, my family and friends say.. It's true.. I live everyday looking at them with Love and endearment, as I'm know y do also...we have experienced something in this earthly life that many never will have , unfortunately... For that I'm grateful, and I get that too...truly. I do now.. 6 yrs 2 months later..this past week I had to attend funeral of a handicapped child with a father of the century took care till the end 24 yrs old.. I hv told him in this life I will never probably know another man like you..the Love he had for his son, was phenomenal..Thru the yrs I hv watched him with his son, he brought him to my husbands funeral.., which not easy for him to maneuver..6 yrs ago.. He has hundred pictures of this son on his walls and albums too.. That was his only child.. I hv learned watchn him from afar..oh the Love...I am trying to be there for him support, he is a broken man..I know Broken.. I was shattered.. As He now... I just thought I'd share..All I know is none of us died from our losses, we just thought we did.. We r still here.. We have a purpose here.. God said.. He gv each one of us purpose..my friends son was angelic.. He touched many lives.. All abt Love..good luck to u on yr journey on the road.. God speed..if ever in my area , md. Tristate area. We can do lunch, dinner, u can park spend a day or two.., in privacy of country..take care.. God Be with u...
ReplyDeleteI'd love to meet you when I'm back in the area. Which one of the tristates do you live in?
DeleteIt is very much only about the love any more-what I can give, and what I receive. I'm blessed to have had Chuck for the years I did. May your days be filled with love and magic~
Hello Allison, I live in Md. Near Newark, De.yes, would like to meet you also..your relationship w your husband resembles mine ..Love..still surviving..r u on fb?
ReplyDelete