Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Reaching Out

This week has sucked.


Restriction in mobility.

Kid who's acting up.

Change over to summer time so sleep is out of whack.

Pain meds making my brain addled, so I've not been able to study effectively for an exam I have in about 24 hours.  Economics is just plain not computing.

Frustration I can't stand long enough to be able to get the house cleaned properly (though glad I spent money on a robo-vac).

Being forced to slow down long enough that I'm conscious of how lonely I am.

I'm generally ok with being alone.  It's the loneliness that I'm struggling with.

Friends busy with their own lives, in their own relationships. 

Able to flop on the couch once the kids are in bed and talk about their day with another adult.

Celebrate successes, complain about office politics.

I miss having Ian to talk to.   To collapse against at the end of a long day.

I needed someone to talk it through with.  Someone who got it. So I put a call out to a re-married widow from our church community, a lady who lost her first husband 20 or so years ago.  We spent a couple of hours talking over the loneliness, the struggles of solo-parenting, the isolation of widowhood and that parenting a pre-schooler can bring independently, let alone together.

By the time she headed home, I felt much more balanced, grounded and lighter than I had for most of the week.

Sometimes that one on one chat so you don't feel so alone in your experience is just that bit of self care the doctor ordered.


  1. I'm always so happy when I read another widows story of having a friend who has been there, done that, too. Not happy they know..just happy they can help. I need that. I'm praying for that for myself. Fortunately and unfortunately I have no one in my life that knows this pain, understands...

    1. I began to get to know this lady after Ian died. Soaring Spirits/Widows Village local meet ups or other like groups are a great way to start.

    2. Thank you for the suggestions!

  2. Good for you for reaching out! It is that "wow, kids are finally in bed now I can breathe " time that is the loneliest. It was actually the time that let me know I was ready to go on a date (which has led, to my astonishment, to being engaged to an amazing man).

    1. I'm not at the point of being ready to date, but am at the point where I can see I could get to that point.

  3. Loneliness is the hardest part for me! Being a single parent of 4 young boys is very hard and frustrating most days. Once they are all in bed and the house is quiet is the hardest part of my days :( not having another adult to lean on for help with them is hard. Not having him there to chat with and whine to about my day :( I miss him so much,miss having his arms there to melt into and have all my stress and worries disappear!

  4. Hello, oh I miss my sounding board.. That's what he was..sometimes I felt like I beat him up with it..I hv ask for forgiveness for that.. Maybe I did it toooo much.. Veryyyyy seldom he would vent.. Oh I mis him...that wil never change..