Sunday, October 21, 2012

Do I belong?

(Source)


Through out my widow journey, I have had a lot of widows approach me.

Asking me "Do I belong in a suicide group?"
"My husband died from a drug overdose, am I a suicide widow?"

My answer to them is - 
"Do you feel the overdose, car accident, etc, was a accident? Or do you feel it was self inflicted?"

If the answer is yes, then you belong.

See, it doesn't matter what the medical examiner says the cause of death is. 
It doesn't what your family or friends say.
It doesn't matter what the death certificate says.

At the end of the day, if you feel the death was intentional, even if there wasn't a suicide note, then that's all that matters.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says. If you feel it was suicide, then it was suicide.

You have to live with the circumstances surrounding the death..
You have to deal with the stigma.

If you feel it was self inflected and feel that you are a suicide widow, then that's your answer.

A while ago, I started a (private) facebook group for widow(ers) of suicide. 
This question has come up multiple times.

I always tell them the same, if you feel it was suicide, then it was suicide. 

I have a lot of widows in my group that fall in this category. 

But they are welcomed and loved in our suicide group, just like all the other suicides.

I have learned that being a suicide widow is a lot "different" then other widows.
My husband chose to leave.
He chose to die.

When a lot of other husband's were fighting to live.

I have learned that a lot of suicide widows, suffer in silence, because of what society expects of us.

For all the suicide widows out there, or all the widows that wonder if you belong in a suicide group, I welcome you.

Please know you are not alone in this struggle.
You are not alone in these questions.

Feel free to reach out to me on facebook.

Remember, you are right were you are supposed to be.
You belong! 



8 comments:

  1. I am not a suicide widow and as such I believe you are right that it is much different, harder. I can only imagine the pain in that, but as a widow know that my thoughts are with you, because just being a widow is painful enough with out adding more.

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  2. Im glad you started a group for these precious survivors. Yes, your road is a bit different from ours, but then every one of us has our own unique road.
    I'd like to add something, which may or may not, help.
    My husband didn't comitt suicide, but I wanted to after he died, very much.
    In fact, I tried .... twice.
    And because I've been that close I know, with every fiber of my being, that for me, and probably most of your spouses, suicide was not a choice. I didn't feel like something I could or could not do, it felt like something I HAD to do. For my children, my family and my friends. This world would be a better place without me in it to drag all of them down, potentially ruining their lives.
    Or so I thought.
    I was not myself during that time. I died the second Jim died and so couldn't function the same.
    I managed to not kill myself, though only due to the help of two very amazing people and God's timing.
    To someone in so much pain, more pain than most can imagine, dying is not a choice.
    It's a need as powerful as the need to take a breath.
    We need to do all we can to remove all of the stigmas, but especially those placed on the widowed survivors. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. I am sure that it is different - I am a widow of one of those who "fought" to live. But although in the end your husband decided to end his life, from reading your blogs here since your started on widows voice, it appears that for a very very long time he fought FOR life as well as he sought treatment etc.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous, you will find a wonderful group of widowed people to connect with via our Soaring Spirits on-line community (we are the organization that sponsors this blog) called Widowed Village. This is a wonderful place to connect, and to be understood. www.widowedvillage.org. Our facebook page for the next anonymous commenter is facebook.com/soaringspirits...so sorry for the delayed response, but we would love to connect. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone.

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  4. I can't find you on FB. I really need to connect with this group. Thank you!!

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    Replies
    1. Same here -- can you provide more information about how to connect to the FB group? Or do you have an email address that I could search?

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    2. I need to connect with someone in the group

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  5. Anonymous, you will find a wonderful group of widowed people to connect with via our Soaring Spirits on-line community (we are the organization that sponsors this blog) called Widowed Village. This is a wonderful place to connect, and to be understood. www.widowedvillage.org. Our facebook page for the next anonymous commenter is facebook.com/soaringspirits...so sorry for the delayed response, but we would love to connect. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone.

    ReplyDelete